Maryland man admits cannibalism

Well…it’s continuing folks!  This is the fourth weird case I have seen in the past three days!

CNN link:  http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/31/justice/maryland-alleged-cannibal/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

Alexander Kinyua has admitted to killing his housemate with a knife, cutting him up and eating his heart and part of his brain.  He put the other remains in a nearby dumpster.

There is another case about a Canadian man as well.  This guy has hacked up body parts and mailed them out to folks!  He even filmed himself doing this.  Police say he recorded a ten minute video and posted it online for all to see.  They say this man also has a YouTube video showing him killing kittens by drowning and asphyxiation and then using the carcasses in sexual acts.

CNN link:  http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/31/world/americas/canada-body-parts-suspect/index.html

This is insane!  What in the hell are people thinking these days?

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Important Lessons in Life…

Everyone goes through life the same way…just difference situations.  Kids always test their parents, teenagers think their parents are ALWAYS wrong and adults hit that mid-life crazy spot that causes each of us to wonder where their sanity went!  We are all learning life’s little rules and lessons constantly.  Sometimes we think we know the rule/lesson and the outcome but still have to try it anyway!  haha  Here are a few that I have learned…

 

Everyone seems normal…until you get to know them!

Think before you argue…is it gonna matter in one week, one month or one year?  If it won’t, then shut the hell up and move on with it.  No point in arguing about something that is NOT important, even when it seems to be at the time.

Never attempt to give yourself a haircut after 3 alcoholic beverages!  The outcome will be horrendous!

Being happy is the best revenge.  There are more people than you know just waiting for you to be miserable or fail at something.  Be happy, ignore them and laugh like hell that your happiness causes them to get nauseous!

There are only two tools you will ever need…WD-40 and duct tape.  Men, listen up!  This is an important lesson!  If it don’t move but should…use WD40.  If it moves and it souldn’t…use that awesome silver tape!  See?  problem solved!

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night!  This will lead to an unconscious, shitty mess!  LOL

It’s not the jeans that make your butt look fat…it is, in fact, your butt!

Do not lick a steak knife.  This will result in lots of pain and that “I feel like an idiot” feeling…plus you won’t be able to finish your steak!

Never pass on an opportunity to pee!  You will always have to pee at the wrong time…and if you know someone who pees every five minutes (my sister does this!!!), buy them a pack of Depends for road trips!  You can shave two hours off your driving time making them strap those diaper things on!

Cats cannot fly!  They cannot function on a trampoline either!

Never miss the chance to tip over a porta-potty while your buddy is inside of it!  This is priceless!  And those people who turn their noses up at this are just mad that they didn’t think of it first!  LOL

Stupid people are a rare breed indeed!  They are a lot like slinkies…they aren’t good for much except pushing down the stairs!

Do the “Tom Cruise sock slide” at least once.  I would NOT advice trying this in the shower though.  Major problems occur while doing that one!

Going down icy stairs with bowling shoes on is basically the same as skiing!  Well, your arms are not at your side and your back is not straight!  It’s more like arms are everywhere, back looks like it’s about to break and the look on your face is not one of content.

 

My adventures with the Xbox 360

I saw this picture and laughed so hard!  It was one of those laughs that is so hard no noise comes out and I end up looking like an idiot clapping at nothing!

I don’t know how most women play these Xbox games…but me???  I am absolutely horrible!  I remember my husband attempting to show me how to play the Halo game or whatever.  Working those two turny knobby things was a disaster!  One knob working the walking and one knob working the turning….come on now!  I would run into walls and just keep walking into it!  Yea, he found this kinda comical!  The picture above is so freakin’ true too!  I don’t know how to just hold that controller thing still in my lap!  I get so excited and then find myself screaming at the t.v. while running for my life! I can’t help ducking behind the controller when I’m hiding from the bad guys either.  I have tried and tried to remain calm….doesn’t work!  The Halo game just kills me.  I am the type that tries to find a lil’ “hidey hole” so I don’t die so quick.  My husband likes to play the Halo game on the board that puts the two players against each other…which is retarded.  I never last more than twenty seconds or so before he just blows me up!  When playing the regular game, I panic when there are so many bad guys that I just hit all the buttons at the same time and hope for the best.  Usually this ends in me throwing a grenade that takes out me, him and all the bad guys.   Does it ever get any better?

Now, the guitar games were a hoot too!  I play backwards, for starters.  I am right-handed so I guess that means I am supposed to strum the lil’ bar thing with my right hand…naw, not me!  My right hand won’t do that!  When we first started playing these games, I did the little kid level that only required me to hit the green button I think!  LOL  And trust me, that was difficult.  I did get better though!  I can play on the hard level now but my pinky don’t cooperate very much.  So, I did improve greatly with the guitar games, but not the fighting games.

Those fighting games…Mortal Kombat and such…don’t make any sense to me.  I just hit every single button all at the same time!  How do they expect people to remember all those combinations of moves?  Every once in a while I hit so many buttons, my person does something really cool!  And those “FINISH HIM” moves….LOL  whatever!  I never pull those off!  My person just ends up punching the woozy guy and he falls over.  I think my husband has all those moves memorized…somehow.  I swear he studies those moves while I’m sleepin’ or something.  It seems impossible to learn all the moves for one person, much less for all of them.  That’s just insane!

We got that Kinect thingy for the Xbox too.  I won’t play if the picture thingy is on though.  I don’t need a recap of how dorky I looked and how bad I sucked!  I love not having to use the knobby controller thing too.  I get to stand up and “act out” the games.  We got that Nightmare game that involves the zombies a while back.  I love that game!  I have played that game so much these past few months.  I haven’t made much progress, of course, but I kick major butt sometimes.  I don’t like that big, bad guy though.  He doesn’t talk.  He just walks around and you have to stand still and be quiet when he gets close.  NEVER WORKS FOR ME!  He seems to always know I’m standing there and then he just knocks my lil’ head off!  I have tried standing still and quiet.  I have tried squatting down.  Hell, I tried holding my breath the other day!  LOL  I have now resorted to looking up YouTube videos to see how others get past him…haha

Anyway, just thought I’d share my adventures with the Xbox with you!  I hope I’m not the only one that isn’t coordinated enough to play these games.

Things men say…

Things men say….we all know how the guys are!  Most of those lil phrases they use carry hidden meanings.  I’ve made a small list of those phrases and the true translations of them!  Hope you enjoy!

1. “We are NOT lost.  I know exactly where we are.”

translation:  I have absolutely no idea where we are and I am not stopping to ask for directions.  Directions are for wimps and I’m gonna blame your map reading skills in about ten minutes!

2. “Five more minutes.”

translation:  It is Saturday morning and I have all intentions of sleeping till 2pm.  Five minutes mean anywhere from 2-5 more hours…

3. “I got this.”

translation:  I have no idea what I’m doing but I’ve seen this shit on YouTube and it looks like it can be done.  I am a man and it is my duty to attempt all crazy ideas!

4. “See, what had happened was…”

translation:  I did something really stupid and you are probably gonna holler at me a whole lot!  I am really trying to paint a pretty picture of it though.

5. “Babe, I’m hungry.”

translation:  Make me a sandwich, woman.

6. “Babe, since you’re up…”

translation:  I really don’t need anything at the moment, but I’m pretty sure I’ll need something within the next hour and I won’t wanna move off the couch.

7. “I’m going fishing.”

translation: I am going to drink myself into a stupor while holding a fishing pole.  The fish will just swim on by unless we hook a dork fish.  Afterwards, I will have an awesome story when I get home though about a giant fish that almost pulled me outta the boat.

8. “It’s a guy thing.”

translation:  Whatever it is…it makes no sense to me and I have no idea how to even begin to explain it.  It’s just the way I am and if this turns into an argument I’m gonna blame my buddies.

9. “Can I help with dinner?”

translation: This one can have two meanings…..1. Why ain’t dinner on the table yet?  2. I’m just trying to appear helpful so I can refer back to this situation when you say I don’t do anything around the house.

10. “Yes, dear.”

translation:  I ain’t got a clue what you just said but I know it’s easier to just agree and move on to the next thing.

11. “I can’t find it.”

translation:  The object I want is not within my reach so now I feel lost and confused.  Plus, I don’t wanna move from this spot.

12. “I heard you, babe.”

translation:  Ummmmm, no clue what you just said but I’m trying to avoid being yelled at for the next three hours.

13. “You look great.”

translation:  Please don’t try on another outfit, I am starving!

14. “Honey, we share the housework.”

translation:  I make the messes and you clean them up.  Ain’t that the way it works?

15. “That’s not what I meant.”

translation:  That is exactly what I meant but now I see you’re really pissed off and I’m trying to backtrack.

16. “Can we talk about this later?”

translation:  I never ever ever wanna talk about this again.

17. “I’ll only have one drink.”

translation:  The first drink is my choice…all the others will be blamed on my buddies!  Peer pressure!

18. “I’ll be home in five minutes.”

translation:  I should be home sometime between 20 minutes-2 hours.  Saying five minutes satisfies you and gets you off the phone!

19. “I’m going to Best Buy to get that new movie.”

translation:  I am going to Best Buy!!!  I intend on leaving with at least 10 movies and 5 games.

20. “Hey ya’ll, watch this!”

translation:  Hey ya’ll watch me attempt a death defying stunt that will probably cause major bleeding, broken bones, and cool ass scars!

 

The Tom Cruise sock slide…

Ok, just had to share my most recent tale of embarrassment!  A few weeks back I get into my husband’s truck and scroll down to “shuffle” on the iPod.  Just before I hit the button, I say out loud, “Make this a good one!  Give me a song that will make my day!”  Well….with the volume up and a smile on my face the song “Fat Bottom Girls” by Queen begins!  What the hell???  LOL  Needless to say the smile instantly disappears and I’m just staring at the iPod like it sprouted wings.  Soon I can’t help but laugh and decide its just gonna be one of those days.  Now I told you that story to tell you what happened to me last night.  Ha!

I get into the shower and wash my hair.  Conditioner is in my hair and I’m thinking, “I need some music!”  Can you guess what damn song begins blaring at me???  Yep, good ol’ Fat Bottom Girls!  Seriously?  I mean, I know my butt is huge but I don’t need the constant reminder!  Haha  Instantly I laugh out loud and decide it’s time to sing and dance!  Getting the conditioner out of my hair I decide I’m gonna put on a rock show!  I am singing to the top of my lungs and attempt that “Tom Cruise sock slide” from the movie Risky Business….you know the one!  If you need your memory jogged a lil you can YouTube it!   Yes, I tried this in the shower…..right after washing CONDITIONER out of my hair.  Holy crap ya’ll!  Bottom of the tub is slick with all that conditioner.  I slid all right…straight into the wall and then over the side.  Legs and arms going everywhere, I’m laughing, face is kinda lodged into the shower curtain….damn.  It was like that feeling you get when you miss a step on a set of stairs!  I thought my life had ended!  I’m half in and half out of the shower and laughing so hard I can’t breathe.  It was pitiful!

Anyway, I have recuperated and am alive and well.  Hope ya’ll got a good giggle out of my lovely evening!