Important Lessons in Life…

Everyone goes through life the same way…just difference situations.  Kids always test their parents, teenagers think their parents are ALWAYS wrong and adults hit that mid-life crazy spot that causes each of us to wonder where their sanity went!  We are all learning life’s little rules and lessons constantly.  Sometimes we think we know the rule/lesson and the outcome but still have to try it anyway!  haha  Here are a few that I have learned…

 

Everyone seems normal…until you get to know them!

Think before you argue…is it gonna matter in one week, one month or one year?  If it won’t, then shut the hell up and move on with it.  No point in arguing about something that is NOT important, even when it seems to be at the time.

Never attempt to give yourself a haircut after 3 alcoholic beverages!  The outcome will be horrendous!

Being happy is the best revenge.  There are more people than you know just waiting for you to be miserable or fail at something.  Be happy, ignore them and laugh like hell that your happiness causes them to get nauseous!

There are only two tools you will ever need…WD-40 and duct tape.  Men, listen up!  This is an important lesson!  If it don’t move but should…use WD40.  If it moves and it souldn’t…use that awesome silver tape!  See?  problem solved!

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night!  This will lead to an unconscious, shitty mess!  LOL

It’s not the jeans that make your butt look fat…it is, in fact, your butt!

Do not lick a steak knife.  This will result in lots of pain and that “I feel like an idiot” feeling…plus you won’t be able to finish your steak!

Never pass on an opportunity to pee!  You will always have to pee at the wrong time…and if you know someone who pees every five minutes (my sister does this!!!), buy them a pack of Depends for road trips!  You can shave two hours off your driving time making them strap those diaper things on!

Cats cannot fly!  They cannot function on a trampoline either!

Never miss the chance to tip over a porta-potty while your buddy is inside of it!  This is priceless!  And those people who turn their noses up at this are just mad that they didn’t think of it first!  LOL

Stupid people are a rare breed indeed!  They are a lot like slinkies…they aren’t good for much except pushing down the stairs!

Do the “Tom Cruise sock slide” at least once.  I would NOT advice trying this in the shower though.  Major problems occur while doing that one!

Going down icy stairs with bowling shoes on is basically the same as skiing!  Well, your arms are not at your side and your back is not straight!  It’s more like arms are everywhere, back looks like it’s about to break and the look on your face is not one of content.

 

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The Tom Cruise sock slide…

Ok, just had to share my most recent tale of embarrassment!  A few weeks back I get into my husband’s truck and scroll down to “shuffle” on the iPod.  Just before I hit the button, I say out loud, “Make this a good one!  Give me a song that will make my day!”  Well….with the volume up and a smile on my face the song “Fat Bottom Girls” by Queen begins!  What the hell???  LOL  Needless to say the smile instantly disappears and I’m just staring at the iPod like it sprouted wings.  Soon I can’t help but laugh and decide its just gonna be one of those days.  Now I told you that story to tell you what happened to me last night.  Ha!

I get into the shower and wash my hair.  Conditioner is in my hair and I’m thinking, “I need some music!”  Can you guess what damn song begins blaring at me???  Yep, good ol’ Fat Bottom Girls!  Seriously?  I mean, I know my butt is huge but I don’t need the constant reminder!  Haha  Instantly I laugh out loud and decide it’s time to sing and dance!  Getting the conditioner out of my hair I decide I’m gonna put on a rock show!  I am singing to the top of my lungs and attempt that “Tom Cruise sock slide” from the movie Risky Business….you know the one!  If you need your memory jogged a lil you can YouTube it!   Yes, I tried this in the shower…..right after washing CONDITIONER out of my hair.  Holy crap ya’ll!  Bottom of the tub is slick with all that conditioner.  I slid all right…straight into the wall and then over the side.  Legs and arms going everywhere, I’m laughing, face is kinda lodged into the shower curtain….damn.  It was like that feeling you get when you miss a step on a set of stairs!  I thought my life had ended!  I’m half in and half out of the shower and laughing so hard I can’t breathe.  It was pitiful!

Anyway, I have recuperated and am alive and well.  Hope ya’ll got a good giggle out of my lovely evening!