The ‘Burbs update #2

Well, the ‘Burbs have been having some funny drama! We’ve had two chicks arguing that resulted in one having to pack up and leave. Rambo is still MIA, but his wife has been busy clearing out the house. Crazy religion lady at the end of the street got a little out of hand and then retreated to her lair.

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There were two chicks living one house up from us. They have been having arguments very regularly…shouting, cussing, throwing things, etc. Now, I only heard a few shouts here and there, but they each took turns coming over to my house to fill me in on the latest fights. One lady was always coming over yelling and acting crazy. Anyway, two weekends ago, I noticed the crazy one packing up her car. She just had to stop by here before she left. I was told about a huge fight that led to screaming and throwing glasses. Crazy, crazy, crazy stuff. It’s been quiet since then so I wasn’t too disappointed when I found out that the lady that stayed is buying the house. Maybe it will stay quiet…maybe.

Crazy religion lady up the street decided to blame all the neighborhood kids for her child not having playmates. This woman took it upon herself to talk to the kids and ask them why they weren’t playing outside with her daughter. Really? What mature adult does that? If you have a question about something like that you walk your butt to the neighbors’ houses and talk to the parents. She was politely informed that her child is rude, disrespectful, and mean to all the other children. She basically stomped back into her little lair and hasn’t been heard from.

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I still haven’t seen Rambo across the street. I don’t know where he has run off to, but his wife has been “cleaning house” for the past week. Just the other day she and two other guys were literally throwing furniture and stuff out into the yard. They were breaking tables and hitting chairs against trees to bust the legs off of them! They stacked small tables and took turns busting them up. Oh and the wife was laughing hysterically and videoing the whole time! A moving truck showed up this morning but I can’t imagine what they would be loading up. Hell, everything was practically in the yard broken.

Well, there you have it. Just another crazy couple of weeks in the ‘Burbs!

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The Ransom Box! Haha!

 Kids

Kids are wonderful.  Kids are precious.  Kids make our world go round.

Kids have the power…to destroy a house in 3 minutes!

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Admit it!  Kids can seriously destroy a living room in the time takes you to fix a cup of coffee!  All parents go through this lovely stage.  We go through the dreaded time of trying to teach them to clean up their messes and pick up their toys.

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My daughter is turning 10 this year and we still have a hard time getting her to keep her room clean, dirty clothes picked up, and putting her toys away after playing with them.  We have used the chore chart in the past but that failed mainly because of me.  I would have my daily things to do while she was at school and would end up doing her stuff just to get everything done.  Ugh!  It was very frustrating for me to clean the house but have to leave certain things undone.  Another issue has been all her toys, crafts, and electronics left out.  She leaves her stuff everywhere!  My husband and I would gather her things and drop them in her room.  That left me feeling kinda crappy though when I would stay on her about cleaning her room.  I know I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I made her room messy by chunking stuff in there.

Well, we have finally found an awesome solution!!!  Drum roll please………….

The Ransom Box

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We used one of my husband’s old Army boxes and a jar for the chores.  Anything that she leaves out goes into the box and she must draw a chore from the jar to get an item back.  She’s not allowed to go through the box at any time.  She must do a chore to open the box and then she can go through and pick one thing.  Last week she left her purse in the dining room, her craft box in the living room floor, and her school shoes under the kitchen table (again!).  She realized her purse must have been put into the box so she asked if she could draw a chore.  She completed her chore and went to the box.  I waited to see what she would choose, since she NEEDS her school shoes.  A few seconds later she walked into the living room and showed me her school shoes!  Haha!  This was her first lesson with the Ransom Box.  It didn’t take her long to figure out that keeping her stuff put away nice and neat would save her from having to do chores to get her shoes out!

My next goal…figuring out how to get my husband to pick up his stuff!

Attraction…how is it measured?

Today, with all the magazine ads and popularity contests and pressure….damn, looking good has become a major headache.

Society plays a major role in appearance today.  Magazines push for the perfect skinny shape with all their clothing ads.  Weight loss companies make a fortune dishing out empty promises and their get skinny quick schemes.  Mean ass women make overweight women feel ugly and gross.  The list goes on and on with the negativity aimed towards overweight women.

We’ve all heard it before…your hair can be curly or straight, but never frizzy, flat, or unkept.  Your face must be free and clear of acne and makeup perfectly applied.  Accessories are a must.  Earrings, rings, bracelets, and necklaces must match the outfit.  Oh and the outfits.  Clothes should be fitted and clingy in all the right places.  The more skin you got showing the better.  Jeans must flaunt your figure and your butt has to have that flattering upside down heart look going on.  Shoes…damn shoes!  Heels, boots, flats…gotta have all different kinds and coordinating them with outfits is a necessity.  And let’s not forget body shape!  It never seems to matter how tall or short a woman is, just the size of her clothes.  Size 0-2 seems to be the going thing.

But do all those things really matter that much?  I mean, my hair usually does whatever the hell it wants to do.  My face has tons of freckles and I rarely wear makeup.  Makeup just seems to be unnecessary to me.  My face needs to breathe dammit!  I don’t wear any jewelry except my wedding rings.  Clothes…just jeans and t-shirts for me.  Yea, sounds lame I know.  Have I wanted to wear those cute designer clothes before?  Sure.  But at the cost of not being myself or trying to fit in just doesn’t appeal to me.  I think I only own three pairs of shoes.  Bodyshape…UGH!  Well, let’s just say round is a shape!  I’m not the skinniest chick and I’m not the biggest, but I’m me.  Shouldn’t that be good enough?

Losing weight is a priority for me.  I admit, I do seem to struggle with the motivation part, but shouldn’t health be the main focus?  Instead of outward beauty being such a main concern, shouldn’t being healthy matter more?

And besides health, what about the idea of who a person really is?  What about their personality, their feelings, their compassion for others?  These qualities make a woman beautiful as well.  Outside looks shouldn’t be so damn important.  So many women and young girls go through hard times battling their weight.  Lots of women don’t feel worthy just because they are the wrong shape and size.  It’s high time everyone stops putting so much focus on those things.  Being happy and healthy need to be priorities.

So, in closing, please throw out the mind paralyzing idea of having to look a certain way to fit in or make someone love you.  Be yourself, whoever that may be.  Make health a priority in your life.  Being healthy will keep you around for a long time and will make you feel better than being a part of any “clique” ever could.

Love yourself.  When you do that, you shine!  That makes you attractive!

Men vs. Women

Here’s a list of the lovely differences between most men and women.  I think these little quirks provide the comedic relief between the two!

  • Checking out the opposite sex – Women will look at the eyes, smile, butt, shoulders, hands, chest, arms, etc.  Men, however, check out the boobs and butt…and that’s it!
  • Directions – Women will stop and ask for directions when lost.  They will gladly take a map the person draws for them too!  Men never admit they are lost and therefore, NEVER stop to ask.  When they get to their destination, sometimes up to 4 hours later, they claim to have found a new route!
  • Pain tolerance – Men will cry and sulk over their favorite football team.  This depression could last a week or more.  Women can give birth on a Tuesday and by Thursday she is doing laundry + all other household responsibilities!  LOL
  • Laundry – Women wash clothes every couple of days.  Men will wear every stitch of clothing they own and then resort to sniffing shirts and turning them inside out to wear again!
  • Kids – Women know all about their children.  They juggle their doctor visits, sports, school work, favorite foods and boo-boos.  Men use the kids as excuses to play on the playground, play games, ride carnival rides, play with Lego’s, play at the toy stores and bring frogs and other gross animals into the house!
  • Dressing nice – Women will dress nice to go shopping, take out the trash, check the mail, watch a movie, read a book or clean the house.  Men dress nice to attend a funeral.
  • Toys – Women played with toys until they reached 12 years of age.  Then they kinda lose interest.  Men….their fascination with toys never ends.  The toys just get bigger and more expensive…cars, game consoles, electronics, etc.
  • “Ball” shots – Women see this and say, “Wow, that must hurt.”…Men double over in pain at the sight of this and then feel the need to puke.
  • Telephone – Women seem to have this device stuck permanently to their ears.  They can visit their mother for a week, return home, immediately call her and be on the phone for three hours.  Men use a phone for less than a minute and only for informational purposes.
  • Jewelry – Women wear lots of it and look good.  Men wear one ring and that’s it.  Wearing anymore makes you question his sanity and/or sexuality.
  • Menopause – Women get emotional, deal with biological changes, psychological dysfunction, hot flashes and homicidal tendencies.  Men get younger women and small cars.
  • Shoes – Men own a pair of sneakers, boots and those dress shoes they wear when someone dies.  Women own at least 36 pair, not including the insane amount of flip-flops in every color.
  • Mirrors – Women depend on a mirror anywhere from 20-50 times a day and each time she goes to pee.  Men can go without looking into one unless he is checking himself out and flexing his muscles.
  • Garages – Women park cars here.  Men store all their crap here, have an endless supply of tools, cook-out, play darts, watch t.v., etc.
  • Movies – Women go for the sappy, lovey dovey movies.  Men go for blood, guts and boobs.
  • Sex – Women want 30-45 minutes of foreplay.  Men want 30-45 seconds of foreplay.
  • Maturity – An 18 year old woman can be a fully functioning adult.  An 18-year-old man still gives wedgies, uses “your mama” jokes and wrestles with the boys.
  • Going out – A man will be ready to go out in 5 minutes.  A woman will be ready in 2-3 hours and that’s only if she can get her hair to cooperate.
  • Groceries – A woman makes a list and buys these specific items.  A man will wait until there is one item left in the fridge, usually looks like a bad science experiment and then goes shopping.  He usually only buys snacks or other non-essential items.
  • Bathrooms – A man has a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving cream, soap and a towel.  A woman has 486 items…a  man can only identify two of these items!
  • Handwriting – A man uses no decoration and it usually resembles chicken scratch.  A woman uses loopy letters, dots their “i’s” with hearts, makes smiley faces, and will even spray perfume on the paper.

So, there you have it…differences that separate men and woman…yet, somehow bring them together to balance them out!

Homecoming…what to wear?

I have seen this question online several times over the past few weeks and thought I would share my opinion!  Haha

Homecoming is an exciting time!  Your husband has been deployed for probably 12-15 mths and is finally headed home!  All the women I know go through the same routine about 2-3 weeks before the homecoming.  We make sure we have their favorite foods, favorite drinks (yes, alcohol is included!), probably some new clothes, house perfectly clean and in order, etc.  The house will have that “OCD” look again!  And then it hits us that we actually have to start cooking all the time again!  LOL  You ladies know where I am coming from…

Now as for the actual homecoming…we make sure the kids are dressed very cute.  Most have on their “welcome home daddy” shirt and proudly waving that little flags we give them.  Tons of signs are made and usually so is the truck!  All of the ladies get stuck on what to wear on this particular day though.  Most go through their entire closet or go buy outfits just before-hand.  We try to imagine what he would want us to wear…what he would love to see when he steps off that plane.  But in all honesty, your husband just wants to see YOU when he gets off that plane and go home!  He is not gonna care what you are wearing…just that you are standing there with open arms and a smile just for him!

My best advice…keep it casual!  You can go for the classy casual look as well.  But trust me, you want to be as comfortable as possible!  You do not want to feel icky, uncomfortable or have sore feet all day.  The wait could be a long one!  You could be sitting there for hours waiting!  You can be comfortable and still look really good!

One more thing…don’t forget to bring things to occupy the kids!  The kids will be restless, anxious and bouncing off the walls!  Coloring books and crayons, yo-yos, books, bouncy balls, etc.

Warning labels on products that make ya wonder…2

And the list continues…

16. children’s superman costume– WARNING: wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.  Well, I have to say that I kinda agree with this one.  You see, there are so many gullible children out there!  My brother was one of them.  He would whatever I told him to….and I mean WHATEVER I TOLD HIM TO!  Poor child didn’t stand a chance as a small child!  LOL  I once gave him a suitcase and an umbrella……you know where this is going!!!  Yep, I told him he could fly just like Mary Poppins if he would just hold on to that suitcase and umbrella.  And did he jump out the window???  YES HE DID!  It was awesome!  Now, of course, it was not awesome once he hit the ground.  That kid seriously bounced, but I am happy to report that he sustained zero major injuries (don’t quite know how that worked!) and only had minor bruises.

17. Nabisco Easy Cheese– For best results, remove cap.  Hmmm….let me see here.  For best results….hell, for any results other than admiring the damn can would be a better phrase to put there!  If you have to be told to remove the cap you just need to stick to simpler things like tearing through a bread bag to get some bread.  Hell, that’s like holding a can of hairspray up to your hair (with the cap on, of course!) and just expecting something dramatic to happen.

18. Chainsaw– WARNING: Do Not attempt to stop chain with hands.  Yea, this had to be a chick with brain leakage!  I know it’s shiny and is an awesome tool when PMS hits, but you can’t expect the shiny chain to stop with your lil hands!  Now, my other brother has attempted this with his leg.  That didn’t work either.  Let’s just say we had to use more than a few band-aids!

19. hotel provided shower cap– fits only one head.  WHAT THE HELL???  LOL  Words have escaped my mind on this one.

20. Chinese food processors NOT to be used for the other use. LOL…yea, that’s right people, you can’t use it for “the other use”!  No cats, dogs, or any other animal that is considered a pet to the rest of us!

21. Helmet mounted mirror used my cyclists- Remember, objects in mirror are actually behind you.  LOL  Damn, does this really have to be stated on there?  Well, when I am operating anything…car, truck, bike, etc…what is behind me does not matter!  But I think that if I was wearing one of those things and I saw a car in the mirror I would really think there was one back there!  Maybe this guy should’ve had one!

22. Infant bathtub– CAUTION: Do Not throw baby out with bath water.  “Out” with the water???  Where are you throwing the water?  Around here the water goes down the drain.  And removing the child should not be that difficult to remember.  This had to be from the same lady that folded her child up in the stroller!

23. disposable razor– Do Not use this product during an earthquake.  hahaha….well, I wouldn’t advice you to do that either!  You would end up looking like Edward Scissorhands!  And if you have to be told this you are probably not old enough to shave anyway.  Unless….you are a member of the “Jackass” crew!  This would definitely make their list of top 10 things to try!

24. a frisbee- WARNING: may contain small parts.  Small parts of what?  And don’t say the bag/package folks.  Frisbees are sold with a damn sticker on the underside!  And the only person that I can think of that could probably insert a frisbee into their mouth would be Steven Tyler…just sayin’

25. toilet brush– DO NOT use orally.  One type of person comes to mind when I see this!  Well, there is a movie that comes to mind too!  haha  Wrong turn anyone???  LOL

26. microwave oven- DO NOT USE FOR DRYING PETS.  Awesomeness….just Awesomeness!!!  Alright, who put the cat in the microwave?  I thought that was an urban legend!  You know, hair dryers can dry pets…or hell, just let em run around and dry off like normal people.

27. deodorant Do Not use intimately.  INTIMATELY???  If you have an “intimate” odor problem, man has invented SOAP!  If you got a perspiration issue downstairs go buy some baby powder!   I am seriously trying not to visualize this, but the image is so persistent!!!  Why would someone even consider doing this, much less think of the idea in the first place?  On second thought, maybe the doctor that did the “Fix-A-Flat” booty job recommended this to someone!  It’s a thought!!!  And as for the pic below….yes, my friend, those are flies on her butt!

28. rat poison- WARNING: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.  Now, sometimes I’m a lil slow on the uptake.  But two things come to mind with this stupid statement.  1. I don’t give a damn if the lil disease infested thingy gets cancer!  2. If he stayed alive long enough to get cancer, your damn poison don’t work fast enough!!!  I don’t want to put out this poison and have to wait for the lil boogers to get to stage 4!  And I don’t mean any offense to human cancer patients…honestly.  But a rat is nasty and a quick death is what any homeowner wants…not to have to sit and wonder if the cancer will eventually get rid of the rat problem.

29. dashboard of mail truck- Look before driving.  Damn!  So I take it that a mail man…..oh wait I meant mail woman….was driving along and ended up in an accident.  When asked what  happened, she responded that she forgot to look/open her eyes before mashing down on the gas pedal….WOW

30. Sign at a railroad station-  BEWARE: To touch these wires is instant death.  Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. Yea, prosecuting a dead man is what all officers of the law look forward to!  That reminds me of the guys that pee on electrical fences or those signs that tell you that the edges are sharp!  LOL  So, my advice to the people at this railroad station…ahh hell, go ahead and touch the wires!  I have a habit of seeing those big red buttons, hesitating for a minute, weighing the pros and cons, and then eventually just pushing the damn button anyway!

Raised in the country

Being an Army wife I get the privilege to meet so many different people.  It is a great experience to interact with these people, hear their different accents, learn about their way of life (outside the Military) and hear the many differences in how we were raised.    Now, most of my “Army family” will tell you that my accent is definitely that “country twang” we Southerners get picked on for so often!  But the accent is not what makes me…  The way I was raised, as most country folks will say, is what made me the person I am today.  So, I decided to take a lil trip down memory lane to share my past with you.

I think a lot of people will agree that Southerners are well-known for their down-home manners, work ethics, and friendliness.  I was taught to treat others the way I want to be treated.  I was taught to use my manners and respect my elders.  You use “yes ma’am”, “no sir”, “please”, and “thank you” all the time out of respect!  You help others in need and you stand by your word.  A hand shake means a helluva lot more to me than a signature on a piece of paper.  My family owns a store back home.  It was a sporting goods store that was always filled with old men in the back playing cards and talking about hunting and the weather.  We had rubber band gun wars with all the customers and walked down the block to Buddy’s to get an ice cream.  We shot down mistletoe in the winter to sell to everyone in town.  I guess that was our “lemonade stand”!  LOL

We were taught about responsibility at an early age.  We had dogs and chickens and even had pigs at one time.  Feeding the animals and helping out in the garden had to be done.  Daddy even made me a strawberry patch that was all mine!  I was working at an early age at the ballpark with my Mom too.  My brother and I played every sport that was available.  We played soccer, baseball, softball, tennis, football, cheerleading (yea, i did it…ugh!), and even basketball.  I also learned that I had to balance my sports with my work of keeping score of games and helping in the concession stands.  In the winter we heated our house by fire.  So, yes we chopped wood every winter.  My brother and I, of course, complained.  Looking back on it though….I am so glad we had to do all these things.

My parents took time with us too.  I’ve noticed, in today’s time, most people don’t take the time they should with their kids. It wasn’t all work and no play for us.  My Daddy would take me fishing…aka: rock collecting!  LOL  I loved every minute of it.  He would take me deer hunting and dove hunting.  I think my role during the dove hunts was sitting on the bucket drinking my Yoohoo, eating a Lil Debbie cake and being told constantly to be quieter!  My Mom would put on a record and dance around the living room with me!  I have so many fond memories of this!  And when we did something wrong…they would talk to us and explain why it was wrong and teach us the way it should be done.

Punishment….the worst was gettin’ in trouble and not being able to go outside and play!  We played outside from sun-up to sun-down!  We knew we had to be inside by dark and when you were thirsty you went and found the water hose!  And my brother and I both knew we were in trouble if Daddy raised his voice or Mom called you by your full name!

I can’t leave out the boys down the street!  There were three boys down the street that were and still are like brothers to me.  We climbed trees, rode go-carts, wrecked on skateboards, got in fights, played football and accumulated lots of stitches!  We built forts and founds bugs all year-long.  It was nice growing up out in the country and having friends that were always on the same street.  You grew up together and went through the same struggles that all kids go through.  So, thanks to M, D and A…it was awesome growing up with ya’ll!

Being in a small country town had many advantages that most other people find boring.  We had one little bitty post office.  The town square had everything on it!  You could call the doctors at home and I don’t even think they had to pull your file for an appointment.  Everyone knew everyone!  All the kids that went to Kindergarten graduated High School together.  Nothing happened in our town without everyone knowing about it within ten minutes.  And everyone rushed to help when one family encountered a tragedy.

There weren’t many worries out in the country that I think most kids face in cities.  We never worried about straying too far from the house.  No one was coming down our road that we didn’t know!  We never hesitated to play in the street or the woods.  Our parents were comfortable.  There were no locks on the doors and all doors and windows stayed open in the summertime.  The only protection we kept with us was our dogs!  Everyone was welcome at our house anytime.  Friends and family would stop by at a moment’s notice just to say hi.  We didn’t have to worry about the school violence that happens today.  Kids didn’t bring guns to school and metal detectors weren’t needed.

Teenage years…Wow!  Those were great!  We partied out in the fields, on the farms and around bon fires.  We went mud-boggin’ and paint ballin’.  Old dirt roads did exist and we tore them up with our pick-up trucks!  We didn’t have gangs just good ol’ country fights.  Rivals with other schools and highschool football teams were normal.  Friday night football games were a must!  Friends were there for you no matter what…anytime, day or night.  Daddy not only had to know the boy (for a year or more! haha) that was taking me on a date but he also demanded to know his family and friends.  And yes, Daddy always made it known he had a shotgun!  Our parents knew all of our friends and where we were at all times.  And honestly, all of our friends loved our parents!

Living in the country (with great parents!) taught me about hard work, discipline, manners, responsibility and the importance of family.  I’m sure that others will say that living in the city taught them the same things….but I don’t see how!  No offense, but I think growing up in the South is the best!  I think my parents are awesome and my brother is one of a kind…so I’m very thankful for the family I have and the way we were raised is priceless!