Some people…

Some people…

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You know these people.  They are the ones that make you consider an orange jumpsuit!  They are so damn dumb and/or aggravating that a throat punch is all you can think about giving them.  Here are a few personal experiences I’ve had with these special individuals…

Mr. Ass

There is a teacher at my daughter’s school that drives all the parents crazy.  He has got to be the meanest, pickiest, most aggravating man I’ve met in a very long time.  In the afternoons he stands outside the school…no one knows why.  He just kinda stands around like a hall monitor staring at us.  Two weeks ago, a mom was there picking up her son in a rush.  She was extremely ill and headed to the hospital.  She parked her truck out-of-the-way, away from all cars and traffic, so she could grab her son and leave as quick as possible.  We all let her get up front to get him…he was standing just inside the door looking at her.  Mr. Ass begins yelling at her that she has to move her truck.  He is telling her that she can’t park there, she needs to move it, he doesn’t like it there, etc.  She tried so hard to tell him that she is sick and headed to the hospital.  She explains that her son is two feet from her and she just needs to get him and go.  This douche bag refuses to act like a human being.  He continues to yell at her, in front of everyone, and makes her move her truck before getting her kid.  What an ass!!!

Last week I had to go into the school with my daughter one morning.  We exit the car and get to the front door of the school about 20 seconds before the bell.  As I go to open the door, Mr. Ass comes rushing towards the door, looking at his watch, telling me we can’t come in for another two minutes.  I immediately laugh at him and the bell rings within 5 seconds.  I open the door and tell him to get a new watch as I walk by shaking my head.

Those two occasions are bad enough, but dealing with this man every morning is just a riot!  The school lot is so tiny.  Cars come through in a single file line, cause that’s all the space there is anyway.  We can ONLY GO ONE WAY.  But every morning, on the curb at the front of the school, there stands this man!  UGH!!!  He waves the cars on with one hand and points with the other.  He movements are just like a crossing guard, which makes it funnier!  Sometimes he says, “This way folks!”  THERE’S NO OTHER WAY TO GO, DUMMY!!!  I just smile and wave…I try not to point as I smile!  I mean, damn!  The parents aren’t stupid.  We drive all the time.  There is only one way to go and we are all in a friggin’ single file line.  Waving and pointing just makes him looks like a re-re and a bigger ass.

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Ms. Dummy Bank Teller

This woman tripped me out a couple of weeks ago.  Now, I don’t know all the policies and such but, surely this was a bit too much.  My husband and I received a check from our bank.  Let me make sure I was clear on that….WE RECEIVED A CHECK FROM OUR BANK.  The check even had the words on it that we are a customer of the damn bank.  My husband and I pull up and he puts the check, signed with the acct number and all, and his I.D. inside the thingy that zooms up the cool little tunnel thing.  The woman, aka Ms. Dummy, asks him if his wife is with him.  He says yes and now she wants my I.D. too.  This is kinda dumb to me since the main acct holder is my husband, but whatever.  We are waiting and waiting.  Oh hell!  I forgot to mention the amount of the stupid check!  Get ready for this….drum roll please!  $7.28 That’s right people…a whopping 7 bucks and some pocket change.  Hell, we were only cashing it to  add to our daughter’s chore chart at home!  Anyway, after we send my shit up the tunnel thingy, we wait a little longer.  By now I’m wondering if she knows how to count.  It’s usually just a $5, two $1’s, a quarter and three pennies.  But what do I know?!?  Finally I lean forward and peer at the window so I can try to see what the hell she is doing.  She looks up and asks if we have an account with the bank.  Are you freakin’ serious???  The damn check says we do, account number is on the back and you are holding our I.D.’s!  I begin giggling, which usually means I’m about to lose my shit!  My husband cracks a grin, giggles and says that we do.  I’m bitching out loud now and he is telling me to hush…doesn’t help that he is still giggling!  She sends our stuff back through the tube.  My husband hands everything to me and begins to pull off.  I’m still in shock that it took forever for that.  It’s a wonder she didn’t ask for a friggin’ blood sample!  I just stare at her as he leaves trying to imagine how she managed to dress herself and get to work that day.  Damn!

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Rude Maternity Store Lady

This was definitely one of those times I almost throat punched someone!  I am pregnant and carrying very low.  All that pressure makes my back hurt and it kinda feels like I’ve accidentally done a split everyday.  It sucks!  With that said, my husband and I go to the maternity store to see if they have those belly band thingys.  We walk in and are immediately approached by this woman asking if she can help with anything.  I tell her what I’m looking for and she corrects the term I use.  I can’t remember now if it’s a belly belt or band…but I guess I said it wrong.  She corrects me with a little bit of bitchiness and a lip pucker that makes you wanna head butt the hell outta someone.  I take a deep breath and try to tell myself that she didn’t mean to sound that way.  She takes one off of the rack and out of the box.  She then proceeds to tell me that she yells at people when she’s putting these things on ’em.  My response….I look at my husband and say, “She yells at people.” with that “I don’t f*%!ing think so” look.  He, of course, giggles.  I think sometimes that’s all he can do with me…just giggle.  She refrained from yelling but was yanking on these straps and making me hold my arms out to the side.  When she gets it on, I instantly feels better.  I undo it and ask my husband if he remembered where all the straps go.  I wasn’t entirely sure since it was below the baby bump.  She interrupts and in the meanest tone says, “Well, I’m gonna make you put on yourself before you leave.  You are gonna do this by yourself.  (insert lip pucker thing)”  I smile as politely as possible and tell her that I’m not putting it on right now but I would like to go ahead and purchase it.  She gets all bent out of shape and goes behind the counter.  As she is ringing me up she asked about a maternity bra.  I tell her “no thank you” and that I am wearing a comfortable sports bra right now and that I will be purchasing a maternity bra soon.  She gets pissed off and goes on a mini rant about how I need to buy a maternity bra, my sports bra is no good, blah blah blah…  I calmly explain that I am not purchasing a bra today and that I just want to purchase the band thing.  She continues to rant so I had to raise my voice just a little and ask her to ring me up for JUST the band.  She continues with the lip pucker and I am fuming now.  I think I was holding my breath trying not to go across the counter.  The rudeness was too much.  She is obviously a very miserable lady who loves to make others miserable and if I didn’t need that damn band I would’ve shown my ass, embarrassed her really bad and walked out without purchasing it.  The good/bad new is…I have to go back.  Haha!  The belt hurts me when I sit down so I have to go back for a bigger size.  This should be fun!

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