The ‘Burbs update #1

 Ok, so I get up this morning to the normal chaotic routine of getting my daughter ready for school.  We actually make it out the door on time and as we are walking to the car…I stop dead in my tracks.  Our neighborhood Rambo has a “For Rent” sign in his yard!  What the hell?!?  I feel instantly crappy ’cause the first thing that hits my mind is…I really wanna get a video of this dude doing his Rambo sneak attack before he moves!  How horrible is that?  Haha!

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I shake off the thought and get my daughter in the car and we head to school.  On the way home, I get to thinking about Rambo moving and another thought hits me.  Ahh hell, who is gonna move in now?  Part of me doesn’t want the new neighbors to be normal!  I gotta have some entertainment!!!

I haven’t seen the “cram it down your throat religious child” in a few days.  I’m guessing she took a little hint after I had to ask her to leave my house.  She was attempting to argue with me, from the front porch, and was angry at my daughter for not wanting to go outside to play with her.  But then again, the weekend is coming up…so I’m sure she will come out of her dwelling!

I’ll be sure to update during or after the weekend!  Have a good weekend everyone!

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The ‘Burbs!

Ya’ll remember that movie with Tom Hanks?  He lived in that crazy neighborhood with all those quirky people.  Well, guess where I’m living?!?

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When we moved in, things seemed so quiet, calm, and “normal”.  The neighbors would all check the mail, put out the trash/recycling, and rake leaves at the same time.  Everyone seemed to have normal routines.  Weekends were laid back and quiet.  The kids would all get together and ride bikes.  Yea, that lasted all of about 3 months!

Directly across the street is a quiet couple who seem ordinary at first.  But after a while, I’ve noticed they don’t seem to speak very much.  She isn’t home most of the time and he just yells at the dogs a lot.  And no, I’m not one of those creepy neighbors who spy on everyone…I just keep a watchful eye out!  On several occasions I have noticed him creeping around his house at night.  And he doesn’t just creep folks!  He does this whole “Rambo sneak attack” routine!  He sneaks around the corners of his front porch and jumps around the side.  Then he tip toes across the front yard to his car and sneaks around it.  He has this squat/creepy walk thing he does around the entire car before he sneaks back up to the front porch to peek around the sides again.  This isn’t a one time incident either…he does this A LOT!  There is NEVER anyone out there.  There are no noises or animals to explain why he does this.  Makes no sense to me.  Just the other night he came out on the porch and began yelling at this three dogs.  He then picked up one of the dogs, holding him like a sack of potatoes, and proceeded towards his car.  He opened the back door of the car and kind of slung the dog in the back seat.  He got in the driver’s seat and started up the car.  I see him ranting at the dog and then, after about 30-45 seconds, he shuts off the car and gets the dog out.  He puts the dog back on the front porch and just walks in the house.  Hmmmm…

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Next on the list is the family about 3 houses up from us at the end of the road.  Now, when I met them, I thought they were pretty good folks.  They came over and met me and my husband.  We chatted a little about the neighborhood and where each of us were from.  I told them that their daughter was more than welcome to come over anytime to play.  Things seemed great.  And then, about two months later, they (the parents and the daughter) began quizzing my daughter about religion.  I’m not gonna turn this post into a religious debate, but I don’t agree with anyone pushing religion on anyone else.  I also don’t think you have to attend church every week to be considered worthy.  This little girl began to be very ugly to my daughter because of the attendance issue and her parents have made little comments and sent over church business cards.  This little girl is quick to make statements like…”I am a Christian, so I think she ( my daughter) should be able to do her homework outside.  I am a Christian, therefore I have responsibilities.” (when asked if she wanted to come inside my house to watch The Fox and the Hound.)  Yea, I know you’re thinking…WTF!  Made zero sense to me either.  She talks back to adults and never takes no for an answer.  It is driving me crazy!!!

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There’s a couple more crazy folks around here but I’ll save those for later.  I’ll keep ya updated on future crazy incidents here in “The ‘Burbs“!  Hopefully no one will be digging in their backyard late at night while it’s raining!!!  Haha  Do you have weird ones in your neighborhood?  Share your stories…I’d love to hear about it!

The Twinkie Drama…

I was just informed that Hostess is having to shut down…

My first thought was….You gotta be kidding me?  The legalization of marijuana happens and then America takes away Twinkies!  LOL  The timing is just hilarious.  I see, on Facebook, that a lot of people are saying the same as me.  What shocked me on Facebook is even more hilarious though.

The Facebook group, Overly Sensitive Military Wives (OSMW), is at it again.  Those dummies are THE ONLY IDIOTS going nuts about the Twinkie drama.  Nowhere on Facebook did I see people complaining about it…But click on their page and the roller coaster ride of idiocy begins.  These women judge, annoy, harass, and bully any and all women who don’t look perfect.  They love to say that overweight women live on twinkies…but let Hostess shut down and these women get all retarded!  It is amazing to watch bullies make themselves look like fools.  Even some of their members are getting aggravated.  Hahaha!

Bullies always end up flat on their faces.  They end up being in the spotlight (just like they always wanted!) with everyone around them getting a good giggle!

Michael Myers

 

Just a little countdown to Halloween…I’ll be picking some movies, characters and paranormal subjects throughout the month that interest me!  Hope you all enjoy!

And now for the first on the list…

Michael Myers

This guy scares the hell outta me!  I’m usually the one during or after a movie analyzing how the victims should have handled the killer’s stalking and such.  But with this guy, naw…  I can’t think of anything to do if he enters my house.  I would scream like an idiot and hope he just got annoyed with me or decided I wasn’t worth the effort!  LOL  He is so good at what he does.  He doesn’t need a fancy weapon…just a good ol’ kitchen knife will do.  He doesn’t need to scare you with dreams, knives for fingers, a chainsaw or Pandora’s Box!  This guy just walks into a room, gives you “that look”, and proceeds to stalk the shit outta you until he gets you with the knife.  Running never seems to help, shooting him doesn’t do any good and pleading for your life doesn’t work either.  He doesn’t speak or grunt or anything.  Myers is definitely one of the most scariest characters I’ve ever seen.

Now that I’ve expressed my ultimate fear of this guy I should tell you that my husband is a huge horror fan.  He has the small figurines, the pictures with autographs, the masks and lots and lots of other horror memorabilia.  But the one item he has that kinda takes the cake is the life-size Michael Myers in our friggin’ living room!  Yep, Myers lives in our house.  He is voice and motion activated.  Ugh!  Gotta love the fact that his knife moves, his head follows you around the room and even his eyes move as you walk by!  My husband loves to position him around the house so I get scared shitless from time to time when I walk in the door.  Welcome to my world!  Haha!

Common sense…not so common!

The lack of common sense and stupidity seem to be spreading like wildfire!  I’ll give ya a few examples…

1.  Students at the University of Tennessee have decided to get drunk in new, quicker way folks!  They have been doing….”ALCOHOL ENEMAS”!!!  That’s right people, alcohol enemas!  Ramming a tube up their hind end and pouring in the liquor…What the hell?!?  Last I checked, normal college kids had kegs (and did keg stands) and funnels.  Nowadays they do this shit through the butt!  This causes the idiot to get drunker faster due to the fact that the alcohol is absorbed directly into the blood stream.  But come on!  Is it really worth it?  You obviously are damaging your body in a whole new way and then end up in hospital.  Way to go dumdums!

2.  This one made me not only flinch but I think I threw up a little in my mouth!  A Wisconsin man, Gerald Streator, has been arrested and charged with one count of  lewd and lascivious behavior.  Guess what he was doing….He was having sex with a couch that had been put out on the curb.  Yep….read that one again!  A couch had been placed curb side to be thrown away with trash and here comes this guy!  An off duty police officer actually witnessed this act of nastiness.

3.  Villarreal-Castillo, another genius, decided to break in and burglarize a home.  Owners were not home and he was loading up with all the goodies he wanted until…..he fell asleep!  Uh huh!  Fell asleep on the kitchen floor!  The homeowner comes home to find this guy sleeping in his kitchen with all his “loot” around him.  LOL

4.  Sergio Alvarez….I am still laughing at this one!  This guy strangled a damn pelican to death ya’ll!  He told the police that he was hungry and couldn’t catch any fish!  LMAO    So, I’m guessing he got pissed that the pelican was catching fish and he wasn’t.  Taking out the competition there, buddy?

Hope ya’ll enjoyed these!  I’ll do more soon.

Southern words and phrases

Well, as you probably know by now, my family is one of a kind!  We were born and raised in the South and definitely carry that “twang” that sets us apart from everyone else.  I got a list here with some of the words and phrases that we use.  I’ll throw in some examples to help ya understand ’em a lil’ better!  LOL

farn– Them folks talk funny.  They must be from a farn country.

thank– I thank I’ll just stay here and drank.

tar– I gotta change that tar on my pick-up truck.

duckies (money)- I need some duckies to go shopping this afternoon.

Jawjuh– Welcome to Jawjuh, the great peach state!

mokey (remote control)- Hand me the mokey so I can change the channel.

far– You keep playin’ with them there matches you gonna catch this place on far.

jauntsamore– Are you done eating or jauntsamore?

drinky poo (alcoholic drink)- I’m bout to head to the bar to get a drinky poo.

hire yew–  Hey, hire yew doin’?

best– You best not come home late!

ignert– That boy sure is ignert.  He ain’t gotta lick of sense.

ahr– Yer so late!  You shoulda been here an ahr ago!

bob war– Don’t get hurt on that bob war fence over yonder. <~~Yonder is one of them words too!  haha

fixin’– I’m fixin’ to head to the store.

tore up (sad)- He sure was tore up when his dog died.

iont– Iont know how to get to yer house.

cayut (cat)- That cayut better stay outta the youngins’ sandbox.

everthang– Everthang is taken care of for the party on Saturday.

nekkid– That man was nekkid as a jaybird yaw.  He didn’t have a stitch of clothing on!

fumeer– I ain’t got the directions.  Where do we go fumeer?

purdy– She sure is purdy in that red dress.

stain– How long you stain at the lake?

laht– It’s dark in here.  Turn on that laht please.

ill–  He pissed me off.  I’m as ill as a damn hornet.

gone– We gone go for a picnic this afternoon yaw.

And now some of the sayings…

once in a blue moon

dead as a door nail

sight for sore eyes

hold yer horses

fish or cut bait

barkin’ up the wrong tree

like a snowball’s chance in hell

runnin’ round like a chicken with its head cut off

that’d make a preacher cuss

full as a tick on a dog

dumber than a pile of rocks

bless your heart

meaner than a rattlesnake

Hope yaw enjoyed it!  Have a good’un!

 

 

 

Miami Zombie Attack!

Yea, you read the heading correct!  A damn zombie attack…  My first thought….Oh hell, it’s really starting!

Here is the link for the article on CNN    http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/29/reports-miami-zombie-attacker-may-have-been-using-bath-salts/?hpt=hp_c2

This guy was seriously eating the other guy’s face off!  Don’t ask me why both men were naked…no clue on that one.  In the video, the witness says that the police were yelling for the “zombie” to stop but he just kept right on eating the other guy’s face.  The police officer fired and hit the zombie and he just kept right on eating!  No shit!  Just kept going and going.  The officer then had to fire a few more times to kill the zombie.  It doesn’t say whether or not he had to shoot him in the head, but I’m banking on it!

The police suspect he was using “bath salts”.  I’m not quite sure what that is, but surely it doesn’t cause zombie-like tendencies!  People in the area reported seeing this man walking around looking confused beforehand.  Ummm….zombies look like that all the time folks!  LOL

So, there you have it.  The zombie apocalypse is really starting!  Better refer back to my survival tips quick!