Stroller Rage!

I recently read an article about stroller habits that piss off the entire world.  I had to giggle because I am guilty of most of them!  Of course I have to throw my two cents worth in and explain the stroller issues.

1.  Not closing the stroller in a crowded restaurant-  Ok, for starters, crowded restaurants are a pain in the ass for everyone.  And depending on how many babies are in there… a high chair may not be available.  Now some may say that if one isn’t available I should go somewhere else.  I say, “If you don’t like it, you can leave.”  We usually try to stay away from crowded places but it’s not always easy.  We also try to eat outside to avoid the crowd inside.

2.  Hitting people in the back of their ankles-  I’ve only ran my hubby over so far with the stroller, but accidents happen people!  You don’t get all bent out of shape bumping shoulders on a crowded street.  Why get all crazy about this?

3.  Blocking the view at the zoo-  Teach your children patience!  Oh, and find some for yourself as well.  We all have to wait our turn at the zoo sometimes.  This one is just crazy to me…so petty.  Parents these days need to work on their parenting skills.  My children have to learn to wait their turn, why not yours???

4.  Refusing to fold the stroller on a crowded bus-  I’ve never taken the bus so I cannot relate to this one.  I don’t even see how someone could get on a bus with a stroller unfolded.

5.  Using the stroller as a walker-  Oh yea!  I’ve leaned on the stroller quite a few times!  Does it really bother you that I lean on the stroller?  How does it affect your day?  Seriously?  And have you gone days and days without sleep because your 5mth old has his/her days and nights mixed up?  Didn’t think so….so shut up.

6.  Knocking over store displays-  I haven’t had this accident but not saying I won’t.  Some stores are so cramped and have no organization.  I’ve been in some stores that made maneuvering a stroller about as hard as playing Operation!

7.  Taking up the entire sidewalk-  Really?  Go around or go play in traffic!  Geez!  How petty can people get?  We don’t control the width of the sidewalks.  Talk to your city council about that one.  Does this really piss you off or are you just trying to get smashed in the ankles?

8.  Using the stroller as a glorified shopping cart-  I admit that when I go to places like a swap meet or flea market, I use a huge ring thing that clips on the stroller handle that holds the bags.  But why does that piss anyone off?

Well, there you have it.  Just a few things that some people get irritated about for no particular reason.

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I don’t fall like I used to!

So, I took a lovely trip down the stairs the other day.  And by “the stairs”, I mean ALL OF THEM!  I seriously don’t fall like I used to.  I’m serious.  I think I hit harder now or something.  Either that or the ground got a hell of a lot tougher!

Anyway, the morning began with my hubby reading a book to our little 5 month old bundle of cuteness while I walked our 11-year-old to the bus stop.  Huge age difference, I know!  So, I get back home and he tells me that she fell asleep in her swing holding the book.  He wants me to go look at her.  I think he was more proud that he got her to take her morning nap!  Haha!

I head up the stairs and cast a glance back at our new puppy.  Yea, we got a new addition to the family.  I’m still not sure what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to this!  Anyway, I make my way up to see sleeping beauty and yep, she’s just adorable.  She’s still holding her little Halloween picture book.  As I turn around, my hubby is headed into the shower.  Now, at this point the puppy decides to start yapping.  Oh my gosh he can make some noise.  I thought about going down to get him, but my little one wasn’t buckled in the swing.  My luck she would wake up in the 30 seconds I was gone and wiggle out onto the floor.  I chose to yell from the top of the stairs so maybe he would see me and come on up.  Nope.  He just looked confused as hell.  After a minute he settles down so I go back into the baby’s room.  Five minutes later he starts up again.  He is even louder this time.

What to do…I make the decision to run and go get him but fail to realize he’s made it almost to the top of the stairs!  I don’t see him until it’s too late.  I fell hard!  I know I hit my right knee but that’s right after I tried catching myself and damaging my boob.   As I fell, I reached for the banister and I guess I was at such an odd angle that my boob took a beating.  Damn, the pain was massive!  I began toppling down the stairs trying so hard to stop.  About midway down I decided “screw it…just ride it out!”  Needless to say I kept tumbling, picking up speed with each step I hit.  I landed in the guest bathroom a few inches from the toilet.  Yep, I was face to face with the throne!  I swear it felt like I was falling forever.

I stood up once I realized I was still alive.  I was already aching.  I immediately checked my boob in the mirror!  It seriously felt like it fell off or something.  Then pain radiated at the knee.  I have an awesome carpet burn in the shape of a “L”…I’m assuming it stands for Loser!  After the knee pain is in check I realize my thumb is throbbing.  I’m not sure if it hit the banister, the stairs or if my body crushed it, but the pain was horrible.  I quickly began checking myself out.  I checked my joints and hips…Let’s face it, we don’t fall like we did as kids!  I could’ve broke a hip on all those stairs!  I was bending, squatting, flexing, etc. trying to make sure everything was working properly.

When I decided it was safe to walk I slowly made my way back up the stairs.  I laid on my bed and waited for some of the pain to swindle away.  Maybe from now on I should do the butt-scoot down the stairs.  I’m too old to fall like that again.

Pregnancy surprises they forget to tell you about…

Pregnancy is a beautiful experience.  You will be growing a tiny little person inside your tummy.  You will feel him/her grow, kick, punch, hiccup and roll.  It is so amazing!

You will put up with nausea, low back pain, being tired all the time, constant peeing and lots of hunger!  BUT…there are few things people tend to leave out!  Allow me to enlighten you!

What mood swings???

What mood swings???

  • MOOD SWINGS – These aren’t just any normal mood swings either!  One minute you are fine and the next… BAM!  You are ready to beat someone’s ass or you are crying a river over socks that don’t match.  I haven’t had these but my husband swears I have!
  • STUFFY NOSE –  You could be stuffed up the WHOLE TIME!  This could lead to nose bleeds too.  I haven’t been able to breathe for months!
  • BLEEDING GUMS –  No matter how soft and tender you are while brushing and flossing, your gums will bleed like crazy.  No one wants to taste copper after brushing their teeth!  I have been as careful as possible and still deal with it daily.
  • NO MEMORY –  Pregnancy brain does exist!  You will forget why you walked into the living room, what you were going to the store for and everything else that should be a “no brainer”!
Huh?!?  LOL

Huh?!? LOL

  • BOOB AND/OR NIPPLE PAIN –  I have heard so many doctors and nurses use the word “sore” when referring to these two body parts.  They lie!  They hurt like hell!  The pain is horrible and makes you wanna live in a bra.  Taking off the bra no longer means freedom!
  • EVERYTHING SMELLS BAD –  A lot of my favorite snacks stink.  Most normal scents smell like 90 day old funk!
  • CONSTIPATION –  I’ve never really had an issue with constipation until now.  It is a horrible feeling when you gotta “go” and can’t!  Hubby gave me Colace because it is supposed to make it easier “to go”.  What a crock!  “Easier to go” really means an entire day of diarrhea!
  • ROUND LIGAMENT PAIN –  Now, they call it round ligament pain…it is actually intense cramps and stretching pains!  Imagine a rubber band being stretched to its limit and then slowly let back down to normal size.  When you sit up, roll over in bed, sneeze or cough you will feel this lovely symptom of getting bigger!
  • ACNE –  Acne, acne, acne…in the weirdest places!  I had a little acne growing up, mostly on the forehead area due to bangs or wearing a ball cap during softball season.  But this is ridiculous!  I have little surprises popping up on my chin all the time.  My chin…makes zero sense.  My chest area has been plagued as well.  I have never had that issue before.  No matter what you do, the acne will just creep up.
Ain't this the truth?!?

Ain’t this the truth?!?

  • BELLY TOUCHES –  This drives me up the damn wall!  People will want to touch and rub your tummy, even strangers.
  • DREAMS –  I dream crazy crap anyway, but during pregnancy they get way weird.  I’m sure a lot of you could share some doozies!  Purple elephants, swimming in jello, flying penguins and other crazy stuff tend to plague you from month 5 till the end!
  • PICKING A NAME –  Names put a lot of pressure on you.  You have to think about how his/her name will impact their life.  Will other kids pick on their name?  Is he/she going to go by their first name or middle name?  Is this a name you can see yourself screaming out the back door when it’s time for dinner?  And ultimately, will your child like this name?
  • UNCONTROLLABLE PEE –  Your poor bladder gets karate kicked and squished constantly.  You always seem to be running to the bathroom…well, not running…more like waddling with your legs crossed.  Don’t laugh to hard, cough or sneeze without being prepared!  A panty liner is a good idea after month 6 or 7!

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  • BENDING –  Just thinking about this makes me giggle!  Shaving your legs is a riot!  I’m in my 8th month and bending down in that direction with a razor in my hand is dangerous!  Putting on socks and shoes gets a little rough too!
  • BABY KICKS GET ROUGH –  Those little feet and elbows really do a number on ya!  Those little toes really feel like boulders being dropped on my bladder and hooha.  Laying down causes the baby to put on an alien show.  I can lay down around the same time every evening and just watch little hands and feet go crazy.  She moves, kicks and turns around nonstop.  And the bigger they get, the less room they have in there.  It gets a little painful.
  • DROPPING THINGS –  In the 3rd trimester you don’t get around so good.  You will have a hard time seeing your toes and taking the stairs becomes an obstacle course.  Dropping stuff will become something you want to walk away from.  I’ve dropped utensils in the kitchen and said “to hell with it!”  Hell, if I am lucky enough to get down there, I probably won’t be able to get back up!
  • PELVIC PAIN –  This is the worst one I’ve dealt with.  It feels like I’ve done a split everyday!  Getting out of bed in the morning is so damn painful!  Be prepared to use a body pillow at night.  Fold it in half and put it between your knees and thighs while you sleep.  It really helps with the pelvic pain.
Haha!

Haha!

 

Some people…

Some people…

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You know these people.  They are the ones that make you consider an orange jumpsuit!  They are so damn dumb and/or aggravating that a throat punch is all you can think about giving them.  Here are a few personal experiences I’ve had with these special individuals…

Mr. Ass

There is a teacher at my daughter’s school that drives all the parents crazy.  He has got to be the meanest, pickiest, most aggravating man I’ve met in a very long time.  In the afternoons he stands outside the school…no one knows why.  He just kinda stands around like a hall monitor staring at us.  Two weeks ago, a mom was there picking up her son in a rush.  She was extremely ill and headed to the hospital.  She parked her truck out-of-the-way, away from all cars and traffic, so she could grab her son and leave as quick as possible.  We all let her get up front to get him…he was standing just inside the door looking at her.  Mr. Ass begins yelling at her that she has to move her truck.  He is telling her that she can’t park there, she needs to move it, he doesn’t like it there, etc.  She tried so hard to tell him that she is sick and headed to the hospital.  She explains that her son is two feet from her and she just needs to get him and go.  This douche bag refuses to act like a human being.  He continues to yell at her, in front of everyone, and makes her move her truck before getting her kid.  What an ass!!!

Last week I had to go into the school with my daughter one morning.  We exit the car and get to the front door of the school about 20 seconds before the bell.  As I go to open the door, Mr. Ass comes rushing towards the door, looking at his watch, telling me we can’t come in for another two minutes.  I immediately laugh at him and the bell rings within 5 seconds.  I open the door and tell him to get a new watch as I walk by shaking my head.

Those two occasions are bad enough, but dealing with this man every morning is just a riot!  The school lot is so tiny.  Cars come through in a single file line, cause that’s all the space there is anyway.  We can ONLY GO ONE WAY.  But every morning, on the curb at the front of the school, there stands this man!  UGH!!!  He waves the cars on with one hand and points with the other.  He movements are just like a crossing guard, which makes it funnier!  Sometimes he says, “This way folks!”  THERE’S NO OTHER WAY TO GO, DUMMY!!!  I just smile and wave…I try not to point as I smile!  I mean, damn!  The parents aren’t stupid.  We drive all the time.  There is only one way to go and we are all in a friggin’ single file line.  Waving and pointing just makes him looks like a re-re and a bigger ass.

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Ms. Dummy Bank Teller

This woman tripped me out a couple of weeks ago.  Now, I don’t know all the policies and such but, surely this was a bit too much.  My husband and I received a check from our bank.  Let me make sure I was clear on that….WE RECEIVED A CHECK FROM OUR BANK.  The check even had the words on it that we are a customer of the damn bank.  My husband and I pull up and he puts the check, signed with the acct number and all, and his I.D. inside the thingy that zooms up the cool little tunnel thing.  The woman, aka Ms. Dummy, asks him if his wife is with him.  He says yes and now she wants my I.D. too.  This is kinda dumb to me since the main acct holder is my husband, but whatever.  We are waiting and waiting.  Oh hell!  I forgot to mention the amount of the stupid check!  Get ready for this….drum roll please!  $7.28 That’s right people…a whopping 7 bucks and some pocket change.  Hell, we were only cashing it to  add to our daughter’s chore chart at home!  Anyway, after we send my shit up the tunnel thingy, we wait a little longer.  By now I’m wondering if she knows how to count.  It’s usually just a $5, two $1’s, a quarter and three pennies.  But what do I know?!?  Finally I lean forward and peer at the window so I can try to see what the hell she is doing.  She looks up and asks if we have an account with the bank.  Are you freakin’ serious???  The damn check says we do, account number is on the back and you are holding our I.D.’s!  I begin giggling, which usually means I’m about to lose my shit!  My husband cracks a grin, giggles and says that we do.  I’m bitching out loud now and he is telling me to hush…doesn’t help that he is still giggling!  She sends our stuff back through the tube.  My husband hands everything to me and begins to pull off.  I’m still in shock that it took forever for that.  It’s a wonder she didn’t ask for a friggin’ blood sample!  I just stare at her as he leaves trying to imagine how she managed to dress herself and get to work that day.  Damn!

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Rude Maternity Store Lady

This was definitely one of those times I almost throat punched someone!  I am pregnant and carrying very low.  All that pressure makes my back hurt and it kinda feels like I’ve accidentally done a split everyday.  It sucks!  With that said, my husband and I go to the maternity store to see if they have those belly band thingys.  We walk in and are immediately approached by this woman asking if she can help with anything.  I tell her what I’m looking for and she corrects the term I use.  I can’t remember now if it’s a belly belt or band…but I guess I said it wrong.  She corrects me with a little bit of bitchiness and a lip pucker that makes you wanna head butt the hell outta someone.  I take a deep breath and try to tell myself that she didn’t mean to sound that way.  She takes one off of the rack and out of the box.  She then proceeds to tell me that she yells at people when she’s putting these things on ’em.  My response….I look at my husband and say, “She yells at people.” with that “I don’t f*%!ing think so” look.  He, of course, giggles.  I think sometimes that’s all he can do with me…just giggle.  She refrained from yelling but was yanking on these straps and making me hold my arms out to the side.  When she gets it on, I instantly feels better.  I undo it and ask my husband if he remembered where all the straps go.  I wasn’t entirely sure since it was below the baby bump.  She interrupts and in the meanest tone says, “Well, I’m gonna make you put on yourself before you leave.  You are gonna do this by yourself.  (insert lip pucker thing)”  I smile as politely as possible and tell her that I’m not putting it on right now but I would like to go ahead and purchase it.  She gets all bent out of shape and goes behind the counter.  As she is ringing me up she asked about a maternity bra.  I tell her “no thank you” and that I am wearing a comfortable sports bra right now and that I will be purchasing a maternity bra soon.  She gets pissed off and goes on a mini rant about how I need to buy a maternity bra, my sports bra is no good, blah blah blah…  I calmly explain that I am not purchasing a bra today and that I just want to purchase the band thing.  She continues to rant so I had to raise my voice just a little and ask her to ring me up for JUST the band.  She continues with the lip pucker and I am fuming now.  I think I was holding my breath trying not to go across the counter.  The rudeness was too much.  She is obviously a very miserable lady who loves to make others miserable and if I didn’t need that damn band I would’ve shown my ass, embarrassed her really bad and walked out without purchasing it.  The good/bad new is…I have to go back.  Haha!  The belt hurts me when I sit down so I have to go back for a bigger size.  This should be fun!

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The ‘Burbs update #2

Well, the ‘Burbs have been having some funny drama! We’ve had two chicks arguing that resulted in one having to pack up and leave. Rambo is still MIA, but his wife has been busy clearing out the house. Crazy religion lady at the end of the street got a little out of hand and then retreated to her lair.

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There were two chicks living one house up from us. They have been having arguments very regularly…shouting, cussing, throwing things, etc. Now, I only heard a few shouts here and there, but they each took turns coming over to my house to fill me in on the latest fights. One lady was always coming over yelling and acting crazy. Anyway, two weekends ago, I noticed the crazy one packing up her car. She just had to stop by here before she left. I was told about a huge fight that led to screaming and throwing glasses. Crazy, crazy, crazy stuff. It’s been quiet since then so I wasn’t too disappointed when I found out that the lady that stayed is buying the house. Maybe it will stay quiet…maybe.

Crazy religion lady up the street decided to blame all the neighborhood kids for her child not having playmates. This woman took it upon herself to talk to the kids and ask them why they weren’t playing outside with her daughter. Really? What mature adult does that? If you have a question about something like that you walk your butt to the neighbors’ houses and talk to the parents. She was politely informed that her child is rude, disrespectful, and mean to all the other children. She basically stomped back into her little lair and hasn’t been heard from.

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I still haven’t seen Rambo across the street. I don’t know where he has run off to, but his wife has been “cleaning house” for the past week. Just the other day she and two other guys were literally throwing furniture and stuff out into the yard. They were breaking tables and hitting chairs against trees to bust the legs off of them! They stacked small tables and took turns busting them up. Oh and the wife was laughing hysterically and videoing the whole time! A moving truck showed up this morning but I can’t imagine what they would be loading up. Hell, everything was practically in the yard broken.

Well, there you have it. Just another crazy couple of weeks in the ‘Burbs!

The Ransom Box! Haha!

 Kids

Kids are wonderful.  Kids are precious.  Kids make our world go round.

Kids have the power…to destroy a house in 3 minutes!

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Admit it!  Kids can seriously destroy a living room in the time takes you to fix a cup of coffee!  All parents go through this lovely stage.  We go through the dreaded time of trying to teach them to clean up their messes and pick up their toys.

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My daughter is turning 10 this year and we still have a hard time getting her to keep her room clean, dirty clothes picked up, and putting her toys away after playing with them.  We have used the chore chart in the past but that failed mainly because of me.  I would have my daily things to do while she was at school and would end up doing her stuff just to get everything done.  Ugh!  It was very frustrating for me to clean the house but have to leave certain things undone.  Another issue has been all her toys, crafts, and electronics left out.  She leaves her stuff everywhere!  My husband and I would gather her things and drop them in her room.  That left me feeling kinda crappy though when I would stay on her about cleaning her room.  I know I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I made her room messy by chunking stuff in there.

Well, we have finally found an awesome solution!!!  Drum roll please………….

The Ransom Box

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We used one of my husband’s old Army boxes and a jar for the chores.  Anything that she leaves out goes into the box and she must draw a chore from the jar to get an item back.  She’s not allowed to go through the box at any time.  She must do a chore to open the box and then she can go through and pick one thing.  Last week she left her purse in the dining room, her craft box in the living room floor, and her school shoes under the kitchen table (again!).  She realized her purse must have been put into the box so she asked if she could draw a chore.  She completed her chore and went to the box.  I waited to see what she would choose, since she NEEDS her school shoes.  A few seconds later she walked into the living room and showed me her school shoes!  Haha!  This was her first lesson with the Ransom Box.  It didn’t take her long to figure out that keeping her stuff put away nice and neat would save her from having to do chores to get her shoes out!

My next goal…figuring out how to get my husband to pick up his stuff!

One of those days…

You know those days where everything seems to go haywire?

Yep, having one of ’em today!

Let’s start with the morning shower…I see my husband off to work and head to the shower.  I crank up some music and put on my rock show!  Yes, I normally sing in the shower, at the top of my lungs.  Halfway through the shower, Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads begins to play.  I freakin’ love this song!  So as a result, I sing even louder!  I am putting on a serious rock show!  Ya’ll, our foster puppy Bridgette began to make this horrendous howling noise.  It sounded like a cross between sheer pain and mourning a loved one!  I peek out of the shower curtain and she instantly gets quiet and tilts her head to the side while her ears do this sideways thing.  She looks like she is so damn confused!  I giggle and go right back to singing.  She starts howling again like I am torturing her!  LOL  Needless to say, I had to cut my concert short and hurry out of the shower before she gave herself a heart attack!

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About 20 minutes later I was on the phone with my sister catching up.  I was in the kitchen fixing a cup of coffee.  I guess I was so into the conversation that I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, because 30 minutes later I was scouring my kitchen trying to find the coffee creamer.  It is supposed to be in the refrigerator.  I check and recheck the fridge.  I check the countertop next to the coffee pot.  I check the rest of the counter space.  No luck.  How do you lose coffee creamer?  After about 3 minutes of rechecking these “normal” places, I began checking everywhere else in the kitchen.  I had put the damn creamer, that is supposed to be refrigerated, in the cabinet with the coffee cups!  What the hell?!?

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The next “crappy” part of my morning also happened in the bathroom!  I had cleaned the tub, sink, and countertops.  I was in the process of cleaning the toilet, which is my least favorite part of cleaning.  I was wiping down the toilet seat rim when out of nowhere comes a sneeze.  Holy shit!  My whole right arm, up to my elbow, ended up in the toilet!  Now even though I had just cleaned the toilet, it still makes me cringe.  I was gagging and dry heaving all over the bathroom!  I got my arm out to side like it is crawling with the plague!  The amount of hand sanitizer I used after washing my arm was probably enough to clean the bodies of four adults!  Ugh!

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And the last tragedy of my morning happened on the staircase.  I went upstairs to my daughter’s room to inspect the disaster area.  That room looks like a tornado went through it.  Clothes, toys, art supplies, etc. are everywhere.  I decided I wasn’t going to gather up the clothes.  She can clean that room up today!  Anyway, I checked her bathroom and such and was heading back down the stairs.  Now I’m guess my socks have zero traction cause that fourth step happened to be a doozy!  My right foot slipped out from under me and my hands didn’t make it to the banister.  My left foot decided it needed a turn next.  I hit my ass and bounced down eight steps.  I bounced hard too!  When the terror ride was over I just laid there.  I figured it was best not to move too quick!  Haha!  I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be black and blue tomorrow.

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I’m gonna take it easy for the rest of the day.  It might be best to wrap myself in bubble wrap.  At least next time I fall I will be entertained when the bubble wrap pops!