I don’t fall like I used to!

So, I took a lovely trip down the stairs the other day.  And by “the stairs”, I mean ALL OF THEM!  I seriously don’t fall like I used to.  I’m serious.  I think I hit harder now or something.  Either that or the ground got a hell of a lot tougher!

Anyway, the morning began with my hubby reading a book to our little 5 month old bundle of cuteness while I walked our 11-year-old to the bus stop.  Huge age difference, I know!  So, I get back home and he tells me that she fell asleep in her swing holding the book.  He wants me to go look at her.  I think he was more proud that he got her to take her morning nap!  Haha!

I head up the stairs and cast a glance back at our new puppy.  Yea, we got a new addition to the family.  I’m still not sure what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to this!  Anyway, I make my way up to see sleeping beauty and yep, she’s just adorable.  She’s still holding her little Halloween picture book.  As I turn around, my hubby is headed into the shower.  Now, at this point the puppy decides to start yapping.  Oh my gosh he can make some noise.  I thought about going down to get him, but my little one wasn’t buckled in the swing.  My luck she would wake up in the 30 seconds I was gone and wiggle out onto the floor.  I chose to yell from the top of the stairs so maybe he would see me and come on up.  Nope.  He just looked confused as hell.  After a minute he settles down so I go back into the baby’s room.  Five minutes later he starts up again.  He is even louder this time.

What to do…I make the decision to run and go get him but fail to realize he’s made it almost to the top of the stairs!  I don’t see him until it’s too late.  I fell hard!  I know I hit my right knee but that’s right after I tried catching myself and damaging my boob.   As I fell, I reached for the banister and I guess I was at such an odd angle that my boob took a beating.  Damn, the pain was massive!  I began toppling down the stairs trying so hard to stop.  About midway down I decided “screw it…just ride it out!”  Needless to say I kept tumbling, picking up speed with each step I hit.  I landed in the guest bathroom a few inches from the toilet.  Yep, I was face to face with the throne!  I swear it felt like I was falling forever.

I stood up once I realized I was still alive.  I was already aching.  I immediately checked my boob in the mirror!  It seriously felt like it fell off or something.  Then pain radiated at the knee.  I have an awesome carpet burn in the shape of a “L”…I’m assuming it stands for Loser!  After the knee pain is in check I realize my thumb is throbbing.  I’m not sure if it hit the banister, the stairs or if my body crushed it, but the pain was horrible.  I quickly began checking myself out.  I checked my joints and hips…Let’s face it, we don’t fall like we did as kids!  I could’ve broke a hip on all those stairs!  I was bending, squatting, flexing, etc. trying to make sure everything was working properly.

When I decided it was safe to walk I slowly made my way back up the stairs.  I laid on my bed and waited for some of the pain to swindle away.  Maybe from now on I should do the butt-scoot down the stairs.  I’m too old to fall like that again.

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One of those days…

You know those days where everything seems to go haywire?

Yep, having one of ’em today!

Let’s start with the morning shower…I see my husband off to work and head to the shower.  I crank up some music and put on my rock show!  Yes, I normally sing in the shower, at the top of my lungs.  Halfway through the shower, Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads begins to play.  I freakin’ love this song!  So as a result, I sing even louder!  I am putting on a serious rock show!  Ya’ll, our foster puppy Bridgette began to make this horrendous howling noise.  It sounded like a cross between sheer pain and mourning a loved one!  I peek out of the shower curtain and she instantly gets quiet and tilts her head to the side while her ears do this sideways thing.  She looks like she is so damn confused!  I giggle and go right back to singing.  She starts howling again like I am torturing her!  LOL  Needless to say, I had to cut my concert short and hurry out of the shower before she gave herself a heart attack!

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About 20 minutes later I was on the phone with my sister catching up.  I was in the kitchen fixing a cup of coffee.  I guess I was so into the conversation that I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, because 30 minutes later I was scouring my kitchen trying to find the coffee creamer.  It is supposed to be in the refrigerator.  I check and recheck the fridge.  I check the countertop next to the coffee pot.  I check the rest of the counter space.  No luck.  How do you lose coffee creamer?  After about 3 minutes of rechecking these “normal” places, I began checking everywhere else in the kitchen.  I had put the damn creamer, that is supposed to be refrigerated, in the cabinet with the coffee cups!  What the hell?!?

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The next “crappy” part of my morning also happened in the bathroom!  I had cleaned the tub, sink, and countertops.  I was in the process of cleaning the toilet, which is my least favorite part of cleaning.  I was wiping down the toilet seat rim when out of nowhere comes a sneeze.  Holy shit!  My whole right arm, up to my elbow, ended up in the toilet!  Now even though I had just cleaned the toilet, it still makes me cringe.  I was gagging and dry heaving all over the bathroom!  I got my arm out to side like it is crawling with the plague!  The amount of hand sanitizer I used after washing my arm was probably enough to clean the bodies of four adults!  Ugh!

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And the last tragedy of my morning happened on the staircase.  I went upstairs to my daughter’s room to inspect the disaster area.  That room looks like a tornado went through it.  Clothes, toys, art supplies, etc. are everywhere.  I decided I wasn’t going to gather up the clothes.  She can clean that room up today!  Anyway, I checked her bathroom and such and was heading back down the stairs.  Now I’m guess my socks have zero traction cause that fourth step happened to be a doozy!  My right foot slipped out from under me and my hands didn’t make it to the banister.  My left foot decided it needed a turn next.  I hit my ass and bounced down eight steps.  I bounced hard too!  When the terror ride was over I just laid there.  I figured it was best not to move too quick!  Haha!  I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be black and blue tomorrow.

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I’m gonna take it easy for the rest of the day.  It might be best to wrap myself in bubble wrap.  At least next time I fall I will be entertained when the bubble wrap pops!