Drama among Military Wives…housing inspections

Ok, last week I saw a post concerning housing inspections on and off post.  The woman said that her husband had informed her that there was an incident within his unit that required a housing inspection due to health and welfare reasons.  So, basically, instead of inspecting that one soldier’s home, the entire unit was to prepare for inspections.  She was a bit upset about this.  She said she didn’t want them coming in and looking through their stuff and claimed it is an invasion of privacy.  Now…there were SEVERAL responses to this post.  Some said that inspections off post could take place.  Some said the off post inspections weren’t legal without a search warrant.  And some said it really doesn’t matter either way.  The official regulation was brought into the matter and still there was a thickness in the air about this subject.

Now you know I’m gonna throw in my two cents worth on this one!!!

First… an active duty soldier gives up certain rights when he joins the Army.  That is a fact.  You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to agree with it.  But as the spouse, you DO have to grit your teeth on some things and just realize it’s the way things are.  Like it or not you married into this type of lifestyle and you have the choice to get out of it.  I do not care one way or the other what the regulation says on this particular matter.  I would just roll with it!  It’s not that huge of a deal!  They just take a look around, from what I have been told, to be sure the living conditions are suitable.

Second thing… one of the responsibilities when leading a unit is the health and welfare of the soldiers.  The Commander of a unit does not just tend to one soldier when there is a complaint or a situation that is brought to light.  He/She looks out for the unit as a whole.  Every soldier’s health and welfare should be a priority.  I’m not saying everything is as it should be or that everything is perfect…believe me.  But this one incident involving the welfare of a soldier could lead to 4 more incidents.  Upon doing the inspections 4 more homes may be found that should be addressed.  And think about the possible children in those homes.  Had the inspections not been done, those children would have suffered longer do to improper living conditions.  At least that’s the way I look at it.

Third thing… keep your damn house cleaned!!!  If you are raising hell about chain of command doing searches you either live in filth or have something to hide.  JUST MY OPINION!  And I don’t wanna hear the excuses either.  You may work a full-time job and have three kids, but your house can still stay in decent enough order.  You could have a friend help out.  You could give your children a chore list so that their toys and dirty clothes stay picked up.  Hell, there are several cleaning services offered around that have affordable prices.  There is really no excuse for your home to be in such bad condition that you fear inspection.

Last but not least…a lot of spouses need to keep in mind that they are SPOUSES…You are NOT a soldier, you are a spouse.  You don’t get a say in the matter.  You didn’t raise your hand and take the oath.  You don’t wear the uniform.  You don’t serve in the Army.  His chain of command is not yours!  They don’t care if you agree or disagree with rules and regulations.  The job of an Army wife is difficult, trust me.  You are the glue at home and you deal with so much crap on a daily basis and this life would make most civilians go insane.  But you are not the soldier.  Please keep that in mind.

With all that said…I’m not saying this woman lives in filth or that she has something to hide.  I do, however, think most people who complain about this issue have dirty houses or have things to hide.  She basically stated that the invasion of privacy was her issue.  My advice to her, although she may not want it!, is to just let them take a look around.  It’s really not a big deal.  I highly doubt they will begin going through your things and turning over furniture.

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Finally home…

Hey guys!  Sorry I’ve been absent for a while.  My husband recently returned home from deployment.  We have been vacationing a lil bit and plan to do a little more in the near future.  I will pick up the blogging soon though!  Thanks again for reading!

Cyber-bullying needs to be stopped!

I recently did a post, https://armyliving13.wordpress.com/2012/03/25/drama-among-military-wives/, that deals with a particular Facebook page called Overly Sensitive Military Wives.  This page (along with its owner, admins and members) is a perfect example of cyber-bullying at its worst.  These people choose to take photos of women and children and bash them online for all to see.  They, of course, claim that most of these pictures are pulled off internet…that is a COMPLETE LIE!  These photos they post are even labeled with the particular military base they were taken at.  They each travel on post and visit the PX and Commissary to take pictures of people just to post and take turns making derogatory comments.  I am so sick of the idiots associated with this page saying I have missed the whole point of this page and try to say that they are only trying to point out bad parenting and the wearing of ACU’s.  Four words for ya….SHUT THE HELL UP!  Bad parenting is one thing but posting pictures of a woman and choosing to make remarks about her weight has nothing to do with being a good or bad parent.  Posting pictures of children, yes they do this even though they try to lie about it, and choosing to call them names is so pathetic.  This page has been reported numerous time and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING has been done about it!  What is it gonna take for the authorities and admins of Facebook to realize the problem here???

Cyber bullying is a major issue.  There have been documented cases in recent years that address the seriousness of this problem.  Too many people have been targeted and resorted to suicide.  And to the idiots that participate in bullying on the OSMW page…don’t use the line “Stay off the damn page.” to anyone!  I’m sure there are lots of people who have received phone calls letting them know that their picture has been posted, of course without their permission, on this page and horrible remarks being made.  How bout you take down the damn page and stop being assholes?

How about a few examples of what happens when people like this are allowed to continue bullying anyone they choose???

A current case involving a girl making a malicious site, much like our little OSMW bashers, and targeting certain girls that she doesn’t like is facing a heavy fine and a possible one year jail sentence.

Megan Meirer was repeatedly bullied online by Lori Drew.  Now, Lori Drew is an “adult”…if you want to call her that… who pretended to be a boy around Megan’s age.  She then decided to make Megan’s life miserable by bashing her online and choosing to tell her that the world would be better off without her.  Megan, 13 years old, hung herself on October 17, 2006 as a result of the cyber bullying.

Tyler Clementi went through a terrible ordeal as well.  His roommate was posting his homosexual experiences on the Internet.  Clementi took action and complained to get this taken off-line and the situation handled…he was ignored.  Not long after, he jumped to his death.

Ryan Halligan spent the summer of 2003 being bullied online.  Hoping the new school year would hold great things, he began that school year with his head held high.  The vicious bullying continued until being teased and called names got so bad Ryan took his own life one afternoon.

It is such a shame that the authorities and social networking sites are very aware of these problems and the outcomes they can cause, yet choose to do nothing about them.  No one should have to live their life in the shadows worrying about being harassed on the computer.  People shouldn’t have to worry about having their picture taken or being picked on at a school, a store, a post office, in traffic, etc.

Everyone needs to rally together to stop this.  Sometimes it takes a huge group or several small groups all over to make a huge enough impact for the right amount of light to be projected on a particular problem.

Counting down his return…

Ahhh…nearing the end of another deployment!  I am sooo ready for this deployment to be over!  I am in that “hurry up and wait” stage…

I think a lot of the wives go through the “nesting” phase.  That’s where I am…once again!  I have spent the last few weeks getting all the things he likes.  I’ve made sure to get all his favorite foods and drinks.  I’ve gotten new shirts and jeans for him too.  Carpets have been cleaned and the house has been put back in that “OCD order”!  Everything has its place!  Haha  I have all his presents from Christmas laid out…yes, he will still have a Christmas!  I sent gifts to him and made sure he has tons to open at home too.  Our daughter is getting so excited!  She can’t wait to rip into presents with Daddy!  Our daughter has already found her “welcome home Daddy” dress and keeps it hanging on her bedroom door.

I can’t wait to have him home and have our lil’ family back together.  It’s the little things I miss the most…Saturday nights, breakfast together, boots in the floor, washing ACU’s (yes, I have actually missed seeing them in the laundry!), the sound of the front door opening in the evening knowing it’s him home from work, doing the “guy” stuff like camping and fishing, watching movies together…WAKING UP NEXT TO HIM!

Army wife do’s and don’ts!

Time and time again you hear about military couples having problems.  Yes, I know that is a very broad term…problems!  But you see it over and over again.  Some of the problems I’m referring to consists of communication issues or simply not understanding the way things work.  Army wives, as do the other military spouses, go through a ton of stress!  Whether its dealing with deployments, husband’s chain of command, plans being smashed into pieces or any of the other numerous issues associated with being a military spouse…keep your chin up!  Here are a few tips to help get you through some of it!

The stress will definitely be a factor!  DO learn to deal with it and take each day as it comes.  DON’T whine and complain about it all the time though.  Letting as much as you can roll off your shoulders will pay off….I promise!

DO enjoy and make the most of your time together.  DON’T  take any of that time for granted!  Far too many times there will be things that come up or sudden events (earthquake in Haiti) that cause your husband to have to leave quickly.  And don’t use “lack of money” as an excuse not to do things to spend time together.  There are tons of things to do as a couple for little to no cost at all!  Think simple ladies!!!

DO have pride for your husband’s courage, accomplishments, service, etc.  DON’T  wear his rank!  Spouses hold no rank whatsoever.  Your husband’s rank is his and his alone.  He earned that rank with time served, courage, dedication, dependability and many other accomplishments.  Pretending that you wear that rank is not only wrong but tacky, in my opinion of course!  🙂

DO get used to being around and meeting new, different people.  Having an open mind and not judging others based on their looks, accent, age or religion will be very beneficial!  Accept the fact that everyone is different, yet a friend can come in many shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds.  DON’T get caught up in the drama of any groups or cliques.  You will already have enough on your plate without having to deal with the issues that reflect typical highschool behavior.  Now, am I saying that all military spouses participate or reflect this highschool clique issue?  NOPE…JUST SAYING THAT IT IS BEST TO STAY AWAY FROM IT WHEN YOU SEE IT!

DO support and stand by your husband.  No matter what…be there for him and keep in mind he goes through a great deal of shit!  DON’T try to do his job for him.  You are not active duty and therefore, the job is his and not yours.  There is a difference in being supportive and being controlling.

DO look forward to time together.  DON’T make plans too far in advance!  Trust me, write it all in pencil!  Dates and times will change very often!

DO respect his chain of command.  Understand that orders are orders…you don’t have to agree with them or like them, but he has to follow orders regardless.  DON’T go to his chain of command for every little thing that goes on with your life.  An emergency situation is one thing… wanting time off for a beach trip or family reunion has zero impact on orders.

DO take advantage of the nice privileges and benefits offered to active duty and dependents.  Be grateful for them too!  DON’T act like you are special or entitled to anything just because your husband serves in the military.  Here again, his career and rank are his!  Assuming and expecting things in return for his service is wrong!

DO form your own opinions about the FRGs.  Being involved with the FRG of your husband’s unit could turn out to be a great experience for you.  You will hear several different points of view on this subject.  My best advice, make up your own mind!  DON’T expect a FRG to cater to your every need.  I know that sounds harsh, but please understand that FRGs work best when you all work together.  The ol’ “Give and Get” idea comes into play here.  All spouses working together will make a strong group.

DO give your husband some free time to unwind.  Before you freak out and do the eye roll thing, let me explain!  LOL  I know some wives work and some don’t.  Obviously, if you both work full schedules, you both need some “down-time” to unwind and relax.  If that is the case, talk it out with your hubby and work out a schedule of taking turns sleeping late or whatever.  If you stay home, give him a little free time so his stress level doesn’t exceed the limit.  Playing the Call of Duty and Halo games seem to be the most common form of down-time when they get home from work.  DON’T whine or complain when he does this.  Remember, he has been up since sometime around 0500 maybe and may not get home until 1730 or after.  He’s had a long day…give him a break.  LOL  I can just see the eye rolls ladies!

DO keep in mind that whatever post you are stationed at has several resources available for your husband and your family.  There are support centers that can offer tons of assistance with all kinds of issues ranging from financial planning to PTSD.  There are also several websites that will point you in the right direction as well.  The FRG should have all this information readily available for you too.  DON’T  assume you are alone or not accept help.  Before and after deployment packets are also available to help you cope and plan for the changes associated with them.

I hope this helps you adjust and/or maintain your stress level as well as keep your relationship happy and healthy!  Let me know if you have any questions!

Drama among Military Wives…

I’m sure this is gonna cause tons of mixed emotions…but, whatever!  Opinions are like assholes…everybody has one!

I was made aware of a page on Facebook a while back called “Overly Sensitive Military Wives”.  Now, I looked at this page and read what they were about…basically, they claim that they are trying to break the stereotype of military wives.  So, I’m thinking…ok, a page that is gonna focus more on the positive than the negative.  Maybe this page will work hard to show others that the petty and whiney folks aren’t all there is.  DAMN, WAS I WRONG!

This page is so SHITTY!  They take photos of military spouses on posts and publish them to their page and then proceed to say really cruel things.  They will pick on the woman’s clothes, hair, make-up or lack of it, her weight, her child(ren), etc.  This has turned into a cyber bullying issue.  They claim these women in the pictures are petty, overly sensitive and whiney…but they, themselves, are all those things!  The page owner and her little crones (yea I just called them a mean name!) are a bunch of hypocrites!  It’s a huge contradiction calling these spouses petty and whiney when that’s all this page is about!  And why do they care so much about what others are wearing or how their hair is styled?  Basically these dumbass women tote around cameras and phones to take pictures of others due to the fact that they have NO LIFE!  It’s really sad that they have to take photos of others and be so mean just to make themselves feel better.

If you don’t like sweat pants or Twinkies then talk about those two items in particular.  Make up funny things about them.  You don’t have to choose random women to pick on.  Taking their pictures and posting them without their consent may be a legal issue as well.

The woman who runs this page is headed for major trouble!  Bullying people can cause very bad outcomes.  Depression, suicide, low self-esteem and many others are real issues.  Why would these women do this to others?  Overly sensitive….LOL  These women are obviously so damn sensitive it has caused brain leakage!  The immaturity level of this group is so low…  And how would these women feel if their friends or children were going through this?  How would they feel if someone was taking pictures and bullying their friend or child?

I’m not asking or telling anyone not to be a member of this page…just expressing my opinion!  Surely the members of that page can relate to OPINIONS…haha

Bottom line:  Bullying is a serious issue.  It causes pain.  It causes lives to change drastically.  Bullying has caused so many fatal endings within the last few years, especially over the internet.  Do not bully others just because you can, are bored or want to make yourself feel better.  Bullying is WRONG!

http://awomeninherthirties.com/2012/03/27/have-you-been-bullied-on-a-social-network/   Please take a moment to click this link!  We call all work together to stop bullying!

Adjusting to new routine after deployment

The adjustment can be smooth and easy or difficult and stressful.  Try to keep in mind, even though you have been dealing with the ups and downs back home, that your soldier has been deployed for a year or more.  Understand that the things we tend to take for granted are the very “luxuries” he has been completely without.  You have been able to get up and walk ten feet to the bathroom…he has had to make sure he was in full uniform and I can’t imagine how far some had to walk to get to a porta potty.  You could fix something to drink, anything you want, with ice!  He hasn’t been able to have a glass of coca-cola with ice in a really long time!  Those simple things make a big difference.  And on top of not having those things, he has been in a war zone…aka HELL!  Please, please try not to expect so much!

Here are a few tid bits of advice for the soldiers via Military.com

Make time for your family. Hold off on visits to relatives and limit time with friends until you’ve settled into a comfortable routine at home.  Take time to talk with your spouse or partner. After a long absence, you need to get to know each other again. You’ve both had new experiences that may have changed your priorities and your ideas about roles in the marriage and the family. Talking now can help you lay the foundation for a newly strengthened relationship.  Take time to understand how the family has changed while you’ve been gone. Don’t charge in with your own way of getting things done. Notice how your spouse is dealing with your children’s discipline, for example, and restrain yourself from taking over with a tougher or looser approach.  Spend time alone with each member of your family. Think of things to do with your children that you each enjoy and that will give you time to talk and have fun together in a relaxed way.

Don’t leave to visit relatives right away.  You, as a family, need to spend alone time together.  It is good for the soldier to be able to spend time with his kid(s).  This alone time means so much to both.  Your husband will need this time to adjust, to get to know his child(ren)’s new interests, to talk with you, and to sit back and relax.  Visiting relatives and friends should come at a later date.  Taking time to talk with your husband is very important.  My advice…do not ask so many questions.  He will tell you whatever he needs to when he is comfortable.  Overwhelming him with questions may seem more like an interrogation.

Allow time for rest and relaxation.  Plans and vacation time will come!  Making immediate plans is very stressful and doesn’t allow for any “down-time”.  Now I know you may be saying to yourself, “Where the hell is my down-time?”.  But we are the wives and our job is to be the glue that holds it all together.  Your relaxing time will come soon.  Before you and your husband plan to visit relatives, try to take a night or two for yourselves, if you can.

Continue doing your normal routine when it comes to household work.  Don’t expect him to immediately take out the trash, deal with the upkeep of the pets, household projects, etc.  Some husbands want to immediately do these things and some don’t.  Pay attention to him and talk.  Patience and good communication are the key!

His sleep pattern and schedule may be totally off also.  Let him sleep late, go to bed early, or both.

I want to mention PTSD as well.  PTSD can be easy to spot or very well camouflaged.  Pay attention to his temperament.  Watch his moods and see how he handles the new routine.  If you feel there is an issue, discuss it with him.  Like I said earlier, communication is the key.  There are also people you can call for help.  Visiting your soldier support center on post is a good place to start.  They have several informational packets that can help you as well as numbers to call for assistance.

With all that said, try to enjoy your time once he comes home!!!  Relax, have fun, cook together, have a drink or two, dance in the kitchen, etc!!! Decorate the house with lots of ribbon, flags and a banner.  Let the kids make “daddy signs” and hang them on the walls!