Letting go…

I talk to people.  I talk to people a lot!  I get to know them.  I love hearing life stories…the happy stuff, sad times, troubles, proud moments, joyful memories, etc.  I must admit though, I always hear stories about that one person that was just never happy with anything.  You know the one…he/she gets mad at nothing, blames everyone but themselves when shit goes wrong, never says positive things, etc.  We all know one!

They could be an aunt, uncle, mom, dad, sibling, so-called friend.  And I may not be the smartest or give the best advice, but here goes.  LET GO!  Stop trying to please someone who doesn’t care.  Stop being overly nice to someone who is constantly ugly to you.  Don’t beat yourself up when they say or act like everything is your fault.  Please understand that I’m not saying you should be mean and hateful.  Just stop wasting energy and getting stressed for something that isn’t your issue to fix.  It takes two people to make a relationship work.  Friends and family relationships take work, but you gotta work together.  If that person is not willing to do his/her part, let go.

I have personally dealt with a person like this.  I tried and tried and tried until I thought I would go crazy.  I talked, apologized, was so nice, gave space, took the silent treatment, dealt with the hateful words….and for what?  Life is a little too short to wade waist deep in crap.  Some people just need some time to come around.  They need to take a good look and realize you’re important too.  And you need to realize your life can’t revolve around just one person who doesn’t give 100%.  I know some of this comes off as me being cold and mean, but I promise I’m not.

Anyway, I hope this little bit helps and feel free to comment and vent!  Venting does a lot of good!  And feel free to disagree as well!  Haha…I know this has probably made a few people think I’m horrible.

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Treating others the way you want to be treated…

Don’t you just love that piece of advice your mom used to give you???  It was said to me more times that I can count.  Today it actually made a ton of sense to me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, my meaning and your meaning are probably two totally different concepts.  I am not trying to push my opinion on anyone.

But today I actually sat and thought about it.  To me, that statement does not mean “be nice to everyone all the time no matter what”.  As a kid and obviously, well into being an old fart, I thought that even when someone is mean, inconsiderate, rude, etc…you’re just supposed to take “the high road”.  And anyone that knows me knows that I don’t always do that.  I don’t always just smile and look pretty.  I don’t always keep my opinions to myself…ok, I hardly ever ever ever keep my opinions to myself!  I don’t always keep my mouth shut when I believe someone is being mean for little to no reason at all.  But I will say that here in the recent past I have tried to look past certain things.  I have tried to put a lid on speaking up when I know it won’t do any good.  And I have tried really hard to hush and “take the backseat” with certain things.  But enough is enough!

Today I got pissed off!  I was and still am mad as hell!  It felt like a lot of crap hit me at one time from several different directions.  I am so sick and tired of speaking up sometimes just to be accused of being sensitive, selfish, or bitchy.  I am tired of some people being rude, inconsiderate and downright mean.  “Treating people the way you want to be treated” means two things to me…1. Do not say or do something to someone that you would not want said or done to you.  2. Speak up and be honest when something bothers you.

1. Do you want someone making jokes that secretly hurt your feelings?  Do you want someone constantly bringing up something that upsets you?  Do you want someone constantly putting you on the back-burner and ignoring your feelings?  Do you want someone to only call you when they want something?  Do you want someone being selfish all the time?  the list goes on and on…..If you don’t…DON’T DO IT TO OTHERS!!!

2. Wouldn’t you prefer for a friend to tell you that something you said hurt their feelings?  Wouldn’t you prefer someone telling that they feel ignored? Wouldn’t you like for a friend to let you know you’re being kinda inconsiderate?  Wouldn’t you prefer your friends to stay your friends?     here again, the list can continue forever….If you would…THEN SPEAK UP ABOUT IT!!!

Look, I am nowhere near perfect.  But I would not intentionally joke or pick on someone if I knew it hurt their feelings.  I would not ignore someone’s feelings on purpose.  I don’t call someone just because I need or want something.  But, yes, I do joke around, I do assume I know how someone feels sometimes, and I have made calls to vent to a friend in the past and didn’t stop to ask how they have been or what’s been going on with them lately.  But I would listen and respect them if I did any of those and caused them to be upset.  I would listen to how they feel and try to put myself in their shoes.  And I would do my best to change the problem in order to keep my friend.   BUT, if I am constantly treated like shit even after I’ve spoken up…guess what, I can totally return that one too!  I can return the favor of being rude and inconsiderate.  I can ignore someone’s feelings too.

Bottom line…don’t be a door mat for a friend and speak up when you feel any disrespect and try to listen, really listen, and put yourself in the place of others to see things from their perspective.  Constructive criticism can be a good thing. I honestly think doing those things will make life a little easier.

Thanks for putting up with my rant.  I hope this opinion/advice helps shed some light on that wonderful phrase my mom still says to me quite often!