One of those days…

You know those days where everything seems to go haywire?

Yep, having one of ’em today!

Let’s start with the morning shower…I see my husband off to work and head to the shower.  I crank up some music and put on my rock show!  Yes, I normally sing in the shower, at the top of my lungs.  Halfway through the shower, Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads begins to play.  I freakin’ love this song!  So as a result, I sing even louder!  I am putting on a serious rock show!  Ya’ll, our foster puppy Bridgette began to make this horrendous howling noise.  It sounded like a cross between sheer pain and mourning a loved one!  I peek out of the shower curtain and she instantly gets quiet and tilts her head to the side while her ears do this sideways thing.  She looks like she is so damn confused!  I giggle and go right back to singing.  She starts howling again like I am torturing her!  LOL  Needless to say, I had to cut my concert short and hurry out of the shower before she gave herself a heart attack!

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About 20 minutes later I was on the phone with my sister catching up.  I was in the kitchen fixing a cup of coffee.  I guess I was so into the conversation that I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, because 30 minutes later I was scouring my kitchen trying to find the coffee creamer.  It is supposed to be in the refrigerator.  I check and recheck the fridge.  I check the countertop next to the coffee pot.  I check the rest of the counter space.  No luck.  How do you lose coffee creamer?  After about 3 minutes of rechecking these “normal” places, I began checking everywhere else in the kitchen.  I had put the damn creamer, that is supposed to be refrigerated, in the cabinet with the coffee cups!  What the hell?!?

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The next “crappy” part of my morning also happened in the bathroom!  I had cleaned the tub, sink, and countertops.  I was in the process of cleaning the toilet, which is my least favorite part of cleaning.  I was wiping down the toilet seat rim when out of nowhere comes a sneeze.  Holy shit!  My whole right arm, up to my elbow, ended up in the toilet!  Now even though I had just cleaned the toilet, it still makes me cringe.  I was gagging and dry heaving all over the bathroom!  I got my arm out to side like it is crawling with the plague!  The amount of hand sanitizer I used after washing my arm was probably enough to clean the bodies of four adults!  Ugh!

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And the last tragedy of my morning happened on the staircase.  I went upstairs to my daughter’s room to inspect the disaster area.  That room looks like a tornado went through it.  Clothes, toys, art supplies, etc. are everywhere.  I decided I wasn’t going to gather up the clothes.  She can clean that room up today!  Anyway, I checked her bathroom and such and was heading back down the stairs.  Now I’m guess my socks have zero traction cause that fourth step happened to be a doozy!  My right foot slipped out from under me and my hands didn’t make it to the banister.  My left foot decided it needed a turn next.  I hit my ass and bounced down eight steps.  I bounced hard too!  When the terror ride was over I just laid there.  I figured it was best not to move too quick!  Haha!  I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be black and blue tomorrow.

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I’m gonna take it easy for the rest of the day.  It might be best to wrap myself in bubble wrap.  At least next time I fall I will be entertained when the bubble wrap pops!

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Super Nintendo days with my Brother!

I got a text message from my brother this evening…reminding me about the “oh so early days” of playing Super Nintendo games with him.  I had to take a minute before I could text back due to my endless attack of the giggles!  The memories that came flooding back were awesome!  I gave my brother hell growing up.  The things I used to put this kid through…it’s a miracle he is still alive and kicking!  I’ll go into those days in another post soon.  But playing games with me was nothing short of an all out battle royal!

We used to play games like Star Fox, Mario Kart (sp), Mario Brothers, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, etc.  I remember us playing these games on the weekends, early in the mornings while our cereal went soggy.  Those rainy days when Mom probably wanted to pull her hair out…yea, we were in the living room acting like rabid animals over these games.

The funniest part about playing these games with him was the violence!  I was one violent chick when I lost a life on Mario Bros.!  I would accidentally fall into a hole or die from one of those lil’ turtle thingys and just as soon as that music would play…the death tune!…I would turn and punch or frog him right in the arm!  Poor thing would immediately flinch at the sound of that music!  HAHA  I was horrible!

Street Fighter was one that he CHEATED on all the time!  Yes, you know you did Brother!!!  He would say, “Ok, ok…wait a minute.  You go to the right side over there and I will go to the left side so I can practice my moves.”  He would practice his “moves” for about 20 seconds and then ATTACK THE HELL OUTTA ME…WITH NO WARNING!  He would whoop me every time that way.

The last one I’m gonna mention is Star Fox…this guy aggravated the shit outta me during this game.  He never hushed and then, without warning AGAIN, he would cover my eyes!  I crashed left and right on that game!  I think I was the froggy one on that game.  It doesn’t really matter since I never lasted more than a minute or so!  Haha

Anyway, I LOVED playing these games with my brother.  Some of the funniest memories we share involve the Super Nintendo.  I hope we share many more game playing battles!

Southern words and phrases

Well, as you probably know by now, my family is one of a kind!  We were born and raised in the South and definitely carry that “twang” that sets us apart from everyone else.  I got a list here with some of the words and phrases that we use.  I’ll throw in some examples to help ya understand ’em a lil’ better!  LOL

farn– Them folks talk funny.  They must be from a farn country.

thank– I thank I’ll just stay here and drank.

tar– I gotta change that tar on my pick-up truck.

duckies (money)- I need some duckies to go shopping this afternoon.

Jawjuh– Welcome to Jawjuh, the great peach state!

mokey (remote control)- Hand me the mokey so I can change the channel.

far– You keep playin’ with them there matches you gonna catch this place on far.

jauntsamore– Are you done eating or jauntsamore?

drinky poo (alcoholic drink)- I’m bout to head to the bar to get a drinky poo.

hire yew–  Hey, hire yew doin’?

best– You best not come home late!

ignert– That boy sure is ignert.  He ain’t gotta lick of sense.

ahr– Yer so late!  You shoulda been here an ahr ago!

bob war– Don’t get hurt on that bob war fence over yonder. <~~Yonder is one of them words too!  haha

fixin’– I’m fixin’ to head to the store.

tore up (sad)- He sure was tore up when his dog died.

iont– Iont know how to get to yer house.

cayut (cat)- That cayut better stay outta the youngins’ sandbox.

everthang– Everthang is taken care of for the party on Saturday.

nekkid– That man was nekkid as a jaybird yaw.  He didn’t have a stitch of clothing on!

fumeer– I ain’t got the directions.  Where do we go fumeer?

purdy– She sure is purdy in that red dress.

stain– How long you stain at the lake?

laht– It’s dark in here.  Turn on that laht please.

ill–  He pissed me off.  I’m as ill as a damn hornet.

gone– We gone go for a picnic this afternoon yaw.

And now some of the sayings…

once in a blue moon

dead as a door nail

sight for sore eyes

hold yer horses

fish or cut bait

barkin’ up the wrong tree

like a snowball’s chance in hell

runnin’ round like a chicken with its head cut off

that’d make a preacher cuss

full as a tick on a dog

dumber than a pile of rocks

bless your heart

meaner than a rattlesnake

Hope yaw enjoyed it!  Have a good’un!

 

 

 

Men vs. Women

Here’s a list of the lovely differences between most men and women.  I think these little quirks provide the comedic relief between the two!

  • Checking out the opposite sex – Women will look at the eyes, smile, butt, shoulders, hands, chest, arms, etc.  Men, however, check out the boobs and butt…and that’s it!
  • Directions – Women will stop and ask for directions when lost.  They will gladly take a map the person draws for them too!  Men never admit they are lost and therefore, NEVER stop to ask.  When they get to their destination, sometimes up to 4 hours later, they claim to have found a new route!
  • Pain tolerance – Men will cry and sulk over their favorite football team.  This depression could last a week or more.  Women can give birth on a Tuesday and by Thursday she is doing laundry + all other household responsibilities!  LOL
  • Laundry – Women wash clothes every couple of days.  Men will wear every stitch of clothing they own and then resort to sniffing shirts and turning them inside out to wear again!
  • Kids – Women know all about their children.  They juggle their doctor visits, sports, school work, favorite foods and boo-boos.  Men use the kids as excuses to play on the playground, play games, ride carnival rides, play with Lego’s, play at the toy stores and bring frogs and other gross animals into the house!
  • Dressing nice – Women will dress nice to go shopping, take out the trash, check the mail, watch a movie, read a book or clean the house.  Men dress nice to attend a funeral.
  • Toys – Women played with toys until they reached 12 years of age.  Then they kinda lose interest.  Men….their fascination with toys never ends.  The toys just get bigger and more expensive…cars, game consoles, electronics, etc.
  • “Ball” shots – Women see this and say, “Wow, that must hurt.”…Men double over in pain at the sight of this and then feel the need to puke.
  • Telephone – Women seem to have this device stuck permanently to their ears.  They can visit their mother for a week, return home, immediately call her and be on the phone for three hours.  Men use a phone for less than a minute and only for informational purposes.
  • Jewelry – Women wear lots of it and look good.  Men wear one ring and that’s it.  Wearing anymore makes you question his sanity and/or sexuality.
  • Menopause – Women get emotional, deal with biological changes, psychological dysfunction, hot flashes and homicidal tendencies.  Men get younger women and small cars.
  • Shoes – Men own a pair of sneakers, boots and those dress shoes they wear when someone dies.  Women own at least 36 pair, not including the insane amount of flip-flops in every color.
  • Mirrors – Women depend on a mirror anywhere from 20-50 times a day and each time she goes to pee.  Men can go without looking into one unless he is checking himself out and flexing his muscles.
  • Garages – Women park cars here.  Men store all their crap here, have an endless supply of tools, cook-out, play darts, watch t.v., etc.
  • Movies – Women go for the sappy, lovey dovey movies.  Men go for blood, guts and boobs.
  • Sex – Women want 30-45 minutes of foreplay.  Men want 30-45 seconds of foreplay.
  • Maturity – An 18 year old woman can be a fully functioning adult.  An 18-year-old man still gives wedgies, uses “your mama” jokes and wrestles with the boys.
  • Going out – A man will be ready to go out in 5 minutes.  A woman will be ready in 2-3 hours and that’s only if she can get her hair to cooperate.
  • Groceries – A woman makes a list and buys these specific items.  A man will wait until there is one item left in the fridge, usually looks like a bad science experiment and then goes shopping.  He usually only buys snacks or other non-essential items.
  • Bathrooms – A man has a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving cream, soap and a towel.  A woman has 486 items…a  man can only identify two of these items!
  • Handwriting – A man uses no decoration and it usually resembles chicken scratch.  A woman uses loopy letters, dots their “i’s” with hearts, makes smiley faces, and will even spray perfume on the paper.

So, there you have it…differences that separate men and woman…yet, somehow bring them together to balance them out!