Things women say…

I cannot believe I am doing this list!  So, in advance, sorry ladies!  But I feel like I have to give the men a little insight.  The claim they aren’t mind readers and say that they can’t be expected to know what we mean….well, now they don’t have those excuses anymore!  LOL  So, guys, read and re-read and then read again to memorize this list!

1. “Fine.”

translation: It is NOT fine but I just want to end the argument and I will definitely bring this up at a later time!

2. “Whatever.”

translation:  F*&! YOU!

3. “Oh, nothing.”

translation: It is definitely something but you are expected to know what it is!  And, yes, it is YOUR fault.

4. “Should I wear this…or this?”

translation: Please act like you are seriously checking me out and considering the choices even though you don’t give a shit.

5. “5 minutes.”

translation: If I am getting dressed…fix a drink, get comfortable and watch a game for a while.  If you are watching the game, you have 5 minutes to turn that shit off!

6. “Sure, I’ll watch you play a game.”

translation: Today is opposite day!  Please turn it off!……Now, I have to add in that there are some of us that don’t mind playing the game with you.  Instead of asking us to watch…ask if we wanna play please!

7. “Don’t worry.  I got it.”

translation: Yes, I will do it…but I am really pissed off about it.  Bring me flowers or something please to show you notice the stuff I do!

8. “Do I look fat in this?”

translation:  Tell me I’m beautiful.  I really need to hear that right now.

9. “Go ahead, it’s ok.”

translation:  This is a dare…NOT PERMISSION!  Don’t Do It!!!

10. “a loud sigh”-yes, this counts as a word!  LOL   and it is usually said right before the word “whatever”  haha

translation:  You are so damn retarded and I want to assault you right now with anything I can get my hands on!

11. “Thanks.”

translation:  Thanks.  Guys, say “you’re welcome.”

12. “Thanks a lot.”

translation:  I am being sarcastic as hell.  Guys, DO NOT SAY “you’re welcome” because we will say “whatever”!  refer back to #2 if needed

13. “Don’t worry about it.”

translation:  Oh, you better worry about it!  I am pissed off or my feelings are hurt and I may just say “fine” in about 20 seconds!

14. “We need to do this…”

translation:  I really want to do this so please just go along with it and shut up.

15. “Sure, we don’t have to do anything…go hang out with the guys.”

translation:  It is opposite day again.  Either keep plans with me or include me in yours dammit!

16. “I’m just having a bad day.”

translation:  It’s not your fault, well maybe it is….hold me….tell me I’m beautiful….I’m PMSing…you have done something wrong….<~~~any or all of the ones listed guys!

17. “What?”

translation:  I heard you…I’m just giving you a chance to change what you said.

18. “You’re right.”

translation:  You are WRONG.  I am just so damn right that I’m gonna wait until you are proven wrong so I can gloat about it for a very long time!

19. “Are you listening to me?”

translation:  Too late…I am about to start yelling!

20. “Do you think she’s pretty?”

translation:  You better lie and lie good buddy!  And do not show that lil’ sly smile either!

21. “I’ll drive.”

translation:  You scare the shit outta me when you drive!  It’s like you are impersonating those men from NASCAR.

22. “What time will you be home?”

translation:  I probably don’t want you to go in the first place but I am hoping you give me a reasonable time with a lil’ compliment in there somewhere.

So, there you have it guys!  I hope you memorize this list to assist you in the future and if you don’t…..whatever.     LOL


6 thoughts on “Things women say…

  1. Mom says:

    OMG. ROFLMFAO. Hysterical baby. Every guy needs this tattooed on his hand for quick reference guide. I sure hope you are appreciated for this. I’m gonna stamp this on your dad. Epic. Collosal. Best one yet!!!

  2. marilyn says:

    LOL @ your moms comment. tatooing it is a good idea! haha

  3. Tiffany says:

    Every guy should have this printed out and use it as a manual.

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