Warning labels on products that make ya wonder…2

And the list continues…

16. children’s superman costume– WARNING: wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.  Well, I have to say that I kinda agree with this one.  You see, there are so many gullible children out there!  My brother was one of them.  He would whatever I told him to….and I mean WHATEVER I TOLD HIM TO!  Poor child didn’t stand a chance as a small child!  LOL  I once gave him a suitcase and an umbrella……you know where this is going!!!  Yep, I told him he could fly just like Mary Poppins if he would just hold on to that suitcase and umbrella.  And did he jump out the window???  YES HE DID!  It was awesome!  Now, of course, it was not awesome once he hit the ground.  That kid seriously bounced, but I am happy to report that he sustained zero major injuries (don’t quite know how that worked!) and only had minor bruises.

17. Nabisco Easy Cheese– For best results, remove cap.  Hmmm….let me see here.  For best results….hell, for any results other than admiring the damn can would be a better phrase to put there!  If you have to be told to remove the cap you just need to stick to simpler things like tearing through a bread bag to get some bread.  Hell, that’s like holding a can of hairspray up to your hair (with the cap on, of course!) and just expecting something dramatic to happen.

18. Chainsaw– WARNING: Do Not attempt to stop chain with hands.  Yea, this had to be a chick with brain leakage!  I know it’s shiny and is an awesome tool when PMS hits, but you can’t expect the shiny chain to stop with your lil hands!  Now, my other brother has attempted this with his leg.  That didn’t work either.  Let’s just say we had to use more than a few band-aids!

19. hotel provided shower cap– fits only one head.  WHAT THE HELL???  LOL  Words have escaped my mind on this one.

20. Chinese food processors NOT to be used for the other use. LOL…yea, that’s right people, you can’t use it for “the other use”!  No cats, dogs, or any other animal that is considered a pet to the rest of us!

21. Helmet mounted mirror used my cyclists- Remember, objects in mirror are actually behind you.  LOL  Damn, does this really have to be stated on there?  Well, when I am operating anything…car, truck, bike, etc…what is behind me does not matter!  But I think that if I was wearing one of those things and I saw a car in the mirror I would really think there was one back there!  Maybe this guy should’ve had one!

22. Infant bathtub– CAUTION: Do Not throw baby out with bath water.  “Out” with the water???  Where are you throwing the water?  Around here the water goes down the drain.  And removing the child should not be that difficult to remember.  This had to be from the same lady that folded her child up in the stroller!

23. disposable razor– Do Not use this product during an earthquake.  hahaha….well, I wouldn’t advice you to do that either!  You would end up looking like Edward Scissorhands!  And if you have to be told this you are probably not old enough to shave anyway.  Unless….you are a member of the “Jackass” crew!  This would definitely make their list of top 10 things to try!

24. a frisbee- WARNING: may contain small parts.  Small parts of what?  And don’t say the bag/package folks.  Frisbees are sold with a damn sticker on the underside!  And the only person that I can think of that could probably insert a frisbee into their mouth would be Steven Tyler…just sayin’

25. toilet brush– DO NOT use orally.  One type of person comes to mind when I see this!  Well, there is a movie that comes to mind too!  haha  Wrong turn anyone???  LOL

26. microwave oven- DO NOT USE FOR DRYING PETS.  Awesomeness….just Awesomeness!!!  Alright, who put the cat in the microwave?  I thought that was an urban legend!  You know, hair dryers can dry pets…or hell, just let em run around and dry off like normal people.

27. deodorant Do Not use intimately.  INTIMATELY???  If you have an “intimate” odor problem, man has invented SOAP!  If you got a perspiration issue downstairs go buy some baby powder!   I am seriously trying not to visualize this, but the image is so persistent!!!  Why would someone even consider doing this, much less think of the idea in the first place?  On second thought, maybe the doctor that did the “Fix-A-Flat” booty job recommended this to someone!  It’s a thought!!!  And as for the pic below….yes, my friend, those are flies on her butt!

28. rat poison- WARNING: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.  Now, sometimes I’m a lil slow on the uptake.  But two things come to mind with this stupid statement.  1. I don’t give a damn if the lil disease infested thingy gets cancer!  2. If he stayed alive long enough to get cancer, your damn poison don’t work fast enough!!!  I don’t want to put out this poison and have to wait for the lil boogers to get to stage 4!  And I don’t mean any offense to human cancer patients…honestly.  But a rat is nasty and a quick death is what any homeowner wants…not to have to sit and wonder if the cancer will eventually get rid of the rat problem.

29. dashboard of mail truck- Look before driving.  Damn!  So I take it that a mail man…..oh wait I meant mail woman….was driving along and ended up in an accident.  When asked what  happened, she responded that she forgot to look/open her eyes before mashing down on the gas pedal….WOW

30. Sign at a railroad station-  BEWARE: To touch these wires is instant death.  Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. Yea, prosecuting a dead man is what all officers of the law look forward to!  That reminds me of the guys that pee on electrical fences or those signs that tell you that the edges are sharp!  LOL  So, my advice to the people at this railroad station…ahh hell, go ahead and touch the wires!  I have a habit of seeing those big red buttons, hesitating for a minute, weighing the pros and cons, and then eventually just pushing the damn button anyway!

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2 thoughts on “Warning labels on products that make ya wonder…2

  1. Mom says:

    Geez. Hon. Ppl r gonna put u away. I just hope our rooms are side by side. Always remember SOS in morse. Dod dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot. Lol baby. With love mom

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