Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips

Just a few tips to help you survive a zombie apocalypse…

1. If you see anyone walking retarded and foaming at the mouth…run like hell!

2. Get the hell away from people who panic!  And, yes, this includes 99.9% of women…especially blondes!

3. Make sure you keep a few people in your group that you dislike…Examples would include: idiots, assholes, and your husband’s ex-girlfriends!  They can definitely be used as bait!  Remember, tripping them + running like a bat outta hell= surviving!

4. Aim for the head at all times!  Do not stop until you see brain matter or their head comes off!

5. Raid the nearest Home Depot for anything that can be used as weapons and definitely Ammo shops/Pawn shops.  FYI: just give the “bait” people hammers!  haha

6. Do not point and yell, “OH, OH, OH…THERE’S ONE OVER THERE!”  Most men will understand this if they have ever gone deer hunting with a woman.

7. Duct Tape!!!  Duct tape has many awesome uses!  You can repair clothing, cover up boo-boos, put over the mouths of the “bait” people and ladies….duct tape those boobies!  Trust me, you don’t wanna be running like hell and end up with black eyes and blurred vision!

8. Set boobie traps…for the best examples please refer to the movie “Goonies”  haha

9. Don’t set the zombies on fire…I don’t think that will stop them and that probably stinks like shit!

10. Hope like hell you are married to a Soldier!  Having a “Rambo” man will definitely come in handy.  Yep, I am covered on this one!

Hope these tips help ya’ll survive!

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2 thoughts on “Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips

  1. Aunt Ann says:

    good advice, grasshoppa

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